Thursday, 16 July 2015

He's Just Not That Into You

Who'd have thought a film would be so inspirational. It's fiction, but with so much truth in it.

Was it written by a woman, with some male influence?

A friend recommended the film He's Just Not That Into You. I ordered it; it arrived within a couple of days, and I watched it the other night.

I sat there thinking "OMG! I've heard most of those excuses."

I didn't think I'd watched the film before, but about twenty minutes in I realised I had. But clearly the first time I'd watched this movie I must have been still married and I didn't have the dating experience I now have under my belt.

Not by choice, I hasten to add. Would have been happy with #MrAquarius, or even #TheBoyWithTheDragonTattoo. But it doesn't matter how hard I try - I'm probably trying too hard! - I still end up with a broken heart - just like Gigi. I would say I'm probably not as bad as her - she may have been slightly stalkerish at times. But like Gigi, I wear my heart on my sleeve - I could empathise with this character. She looked for the positives in everything, and worried that if she didn't do a certain thing the guy would get the wrong signals. Had she told him enough of how much she was into him? Maybe she should call to let him know... because he may have lost his phone... etc. etc. etc. (I do it too! Worry).  But really, what she needed to hear was He's Just Not That Into You.

Even Drew Barrymore's character talks of the difficulties of modern dating. Because you're not only waiting for a text, there's social media, emails, all sorts of different channels two people can communicate through... so you're watching them all for that message to arrive... that doesn't.

So, I've come away from this movie enlightened, because if you're trying too hard to make a relationship work, even at the 'dating' stage, and it is really all one sided, then clearly, he's just not that into you. And you need to walk away.

Don't get me wrong, relationships are a two way thing, and both need to want it. And this could work vice versa. If the girl isn't so into the guy, the signs are the same.

However, I will say, generally a girl will tell the guy honestly that she's not into him early on, rather than make stupid excuses like 'it's not you it's me. shit.'

To be honest, you usually know after a couple of dates - I've known after the first date! - whether you want it to go further or not, or the chemistry is there... sometimes it can take a bit longer. Sometimes the chemistry is there... or so we're lead to believe... but it can fizzle. That's fine. But boys, be honest, don't drag it out!

Most (decent) women, if they don't connect with the guy, like to face their demons head on and tell it straight. We're just honest. Men are not. They tell us what they think we want to hear, rather than the honest truth, even if they don't mean it. "Yes, I'm happy to be friends" is bullshit. Why would we stay in touch? I have enough friends to go out drinking with.

And while you're 'in touch' she'll still be hoping you'll change your mind, and Mr Right might walk right past her, because she's too busy concentrating her efforts on you in the hope it will work out!

If you can't love her, set her free! Truthfully.

So girls, I recommend this movie if you need a wake up call! Because it is spot on, and you'll know if He's Just Not That Into You.