Sunday, 5 July 2015

My Online Dating Tips

I have decided to put together some online-dating tips. In the last three years of dating on and off through on-line dating sites, this is what I've learnt so far, (and will probably continue to learn when I decide to go back on-line, but for now I've taken myself off...).  It will be going into a book fictionally at some point. But I will share for fun.

In no particular order:

1) Most men on their profile will ask for someone genuine to get in touch. Sadly, this doesn't necessarily mean they are genuine in their hunt for a relationship. (See point 10).

2) Their pictures may not always match their true identity. And they can lie about age, height and weight... Make sure they've got plenty of pictures up and avoid profiles with hardly anything about the guy. If he can't be bothered to fill out a profile page, then he's not really serious in looking for love.

3) If you're looking for a relationship - usually this is why you're using on-line dating because if you just wanted a shag you would go out and get that on a night out, right? You'd think! - guys who state 'looking for a relationship' aren't necessarily being honest in that too. Really, they should have ticked the 'interested in only casual dating' button, but they know that doesn't get them a lot of interest. So just be warned....

4) If the guy doesn't show his teeth when smiling in his pictures - like in ALL of his pictures - it probably means he hasn't got great teeth... or he doesn't have any! If that's not a problem with you then fine... but if you've got a thing about teeth (I know I have!) try to get him to send a picture with him smiling, showing off his pearly whites.

5) Never, and I mean NEVER, interact with a cock shot. If his profile displays his jean-clad buldging cock (or pictures alike) do not interact. Even if you think it will be really funny to because you've had a few glasses of wine on a lonely Friday night. He is a dickhead, and you should not (pardon the pun) rise to it. You are just feeding the little prick. Ignore! Ignore! Ignore! And block him...

6) If you get into conversation with a guy because at first you thought he was genuine and then he starts asking if you want to meet up for sex, end conversation. Do not reply. Ignore, ignore, ignore. See above. Do not let him get a rise out of it.

7) If you get someone you're really not that keen on, but not sure how to turn him down gently. Start telling him about your baggage, how you've been dumped, hurt, you're still getting over your last boyfriend. They run so fast you can see dust!

8) Make sure you message for a bit on the site before swapping telephone numbers. Don't be so quick to give out your mobile number until you're certain (as best you can be) they're not weird. We can handle crazy, coz that can be fun, but we don't do weird.

9) Never message the guys. Let them message you. Let them make first contact! The boys should do the chasing from the off. This is one way of guaranteeing that they did actually like what they saw on your profile. Whether you like them is a different matter. You do not need to reply to them all. Only reply to the profiles you like. You're only giving the others false hope.

10) (Coincides with point 1) - Afterwards, when you thought you've actually met a genuine, decent guy and you think you've got great chemistry and everything is going fantastic, but he drops a great big bombshell that he is no longer looking for a relationship, or he has issues, or he's not sure what he wants any more, and it's not you, it's him, and quite clearly he's not been as genuine as you thought, but he's happy to stay in touch...

He won't, okay. Why would he stay in touch? He's just said that because he thinks that makes him look better, and he thinks that's what you want to hear. No, us girls would actually rather honesty and you grew a spine!

And he won't text you and say he's made a mistake and please take him back. He just won't. This is called romanticizing and it needs to stop. (It's my new word (which actually does exist in the dictionary) - it's fantasising about romantic ideas that just aren't going to happen, however much you want them to).

11) Stick to the three date rule... maybe even four dates. (Goes hand in hand with point 3 actually). If he likes you enough he'll wait. If he doesn't, well, you've just sifted the wheat from the chaff. And you're going to need to do A LOT of that.

12) Be yourself. If they can't love/like you for who you are, then they are not worth your time or effort. Again it's the old wheat and chaff thing.

13) However much you want to rage like a bunny boiler, always remain calm. Always be the better person. Hell, tell them they've hurt you. If these guys want to mess with girls' hearts, then they need to know what they've done, but always do it calmly and reasonably. You are the better person.

14) If he's telling you he loves you after three weeks, the guy probably has mental issues and is going to dump you in six weeks because he's unstable. He's doing you a favour... let him go! It might be worse, he might wait until you truly love him, then he dumps you... that hurts like hell. I recommend wine and a good dose of close friends.

15) If he goes a bit quite on the texting from day to day, but then texts you like mad just before the next agreed date... he's probably just using you for sex and wants a fuck buddy, rather than a relationship. Nip that one in the bud too, unless you're happy to be a doormat.

16) If it just so happens you've managed to get two dates at the same time. Do not tell them! The one you tell will try to persuade you he's the better guy. It's not necessarily so. Date both until you can make your own unbiased and informed decision - sticking to that 3 date rule of course!

17) And while you're searching for Mr Right, or The One, and it may take some time to find that one actual genuine guy on the internet not carry baggage and being a complete commitment-phobe I warn you, keep a picture of Tom Hiddleston close, to remind yourself of who you are searching for... your next hero... and besides, you can't get much better eye-candy than Tom Hiddleston (in my opinion).


If I think of any more, then of course, I'll do a part two blog post!