Wednesday, 20 September 2017
I'm still waking up in the morning, though, thinking of you. I can't believe you're no longer in my life, that you're no longer my future. This stops me in my tracks at times.
When I do allow myself time to grieve, the ache in my chest returns and I feel so sad.
My friend gave me a Relate book called Moving On (Breaking Up without Breaking Down). I finished it last night, which has given me some hope I'll find happiness again.
One thing the book suggested was not to stop doing the things we enjoyed doing together. Therefore, I have been watching Gotham season 3 which is new to Neflix. We used to watch Gotham together. We devoured two seasons.
It doesn't really feel so good to watch it alone - only because I remember us cuddled on the sofa with a glass of wine, and both commenting about the twists. It was our treat once the kids were in bed.
Anyway, Lee has returned (who was Gordon's love interest in the previous seasons) and in one of the early episodes she tells Gordon how he broke her heart, how she cried herself to sleep at night. I wonder if I'd been watching this with you we'd have realised the poignancy of Lee and Gordon
I was so with Lee.
I've pretty much cried every single day so far. Either as I'm about to go to bed, or for instance like writing this blog post, or when I'm in the car and a song comes on that feels poignant. Pink - What About Us is a good one!
You told me 'we weren't meant to be.' We were never meant to be if you weren't prepared to work at us, our relationship....