We're Not Allowed To Say This....

But... 

Sometimes there is a cause to say "Man the fuck up!"

I'll apologise now, as I may offend some maybe with the above statement but I am angry, and passionate about the way I feel. This is me! Maybe you'll understand if you read further.

So, I was dating someone and we joked about how busy we were etc. but we found the time to have the first date, and that went well. Over a week later we had the 2nd date and then a couple of weeks later we had a third.

This was slow dating for me, and each date felt like the first, with the nerves, because so much time had passed between each one we had to get to know one another again. But maybe this was a good thing, I thought, (and so did my friends) as I seemed to get swept off my feet, and then come crashing down with a bang.

Anyway, last weekend (and I'd told him prior), I said I could make myself available for a drink on the Saturday evening.

Saturday arrived, and I was texting, "Are we meeting?" a little to my annoyance, as a girl really wants to be asked out by the boy. Even in The Big Bang Theory episode (Season 2 episode 2 The Codpiece Topology) I laughed as Leslie, very clinically, let Leonard be the man to organise the dates and telling him to call her.

My response to this text was that he was at a friends.

Now I don't have a problem with that. Only if he was interested, which I believed he was, as he'd been messaging me since our last date, two weeks before, he should have said, "Sorry I have plans that night, but are you free Friday or Sunday?"

I replied with a jokey text about our next date really would be June 2020 (as it had been our little joke with each of us having busy schedules).

I've not heard anything since.

I mean, Sunday, I received no text from him. And I refused to text first. 1) Because I was the last to text, and 2) If he's interested in me then he'd message, right?

NOTHING!

So here is where I believe he should Man The Fuck Up! 

Surely I deserve an explanation, even a simple, "Sorry, I don't think this will work out." ???

No, I get the cowardice and rude approach of just leaving it dead in the air when ironically his online profile states something about being a gentleman....

And my friends wonder why I have self-esteem issues! (Although I know I've done nothing wrong.)

I believe this is an adequate example of when a man should "(gentle)man up" - in my opinion. Agreed?

Off to watch He's Just Not That Into You....

Moving On Is The Hardest Part

It's four weeks since you drove off, making this is the fifth weekend I've been left to my own devices. The past few weekends I have filled with friends and family, but this one I have chosen to sit it out alone.

I've got to get used to it at some point, right?

I mean, for the last year I have spent pretty much every weekend with you, usually at your house with your kids...

I did everything I could to fit in, to please you. I tried not to make demands, I just wanted to love you, and in return you love me.

You are still in my thoughts everyday. Sometimes I'm angry - that you weren't prepared to work at our relationship, you just walked away. Sometimes I'm just in shock that you're no longer a part of my life. It makes my heart physically ache. I just can't believe it - I pray I'm dreaming. Each day I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that you are no longer my future. At the moment I don't feel whole. I feel incomplete. And it's up to me to fix this gap, learn to be happy on my own, single again.

Friends ask if I've heard from you and I tell them no. I'm not surprised that you haven't contacted me - I did lash out to hurt you, because I was hurting myself. But, to be honest, if you can leave me so quickly, without a backwards glance, you can see how I question the sincerity of your love. I can see how you don't really care... Was it infatuation, did I just fill a gap, and once you were done, you discarded me?

I think what hurts me the most is that you knew I was afraid of this happening to me again. And yet you still did it.

And So LIfe Begins...

You may have noticed I didn't post a Hump Day Hot Seat. I'm waiting on a few guests to come back to me with their answers and with my birthday and all over the weekend, I've been distracted.

Yes, it was my birthday and I've turned the big Four O! To make you feel better about this age, you're told that forty is the new thirty... that life begins at forty. I suppose I'm more confident now about myself than I was twenty years ago... so maybe life really does begin. I've certainly made a new one for myself over the last year.

I did have a fab party, but I am feeling rather reflective about it all at the moment. It's fine, somewhere along the line it will probably come out in a book...

Today I met up with my three local writer friends and I was given 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' by John Gray.

With previous relationship disasters, my dear friend and surrogate mum (I bore her with my life as well as my writing) would quote this book to me a lot, and I'd say I really must read it! So she thought rather than me borrow hers, she'd buy me my own copy. Let's face it, I'm probably going to need to refer to it A LOT! Plus, I'm hoping it might give me some insight into character building my heroes... (That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it).

I received lots of goodies for my birthday, to which I am truly grateful. I could bath in Prosecco and live off chocolate for the rest of the year - but I won't! I'll eat and drink it sensibly, of course.

I'm still suffering with the RSI and so have been limiting writing/typing where I can too. It's terribly frustrating because I was getting into working on book two and wanted it over to the publishers ASAP - the sooner it's out there the better really. Instead of writing, I'm trying to do lots of reading.

I did get a duplicate present. My mum bought me Dawn French's Oh Dear Silvia (because my mum's name is Sylvia). However, my boys also gave me this book too... so I have two copies. I'm thinking I will give one away as a prize to a competition, but I'm not sure what competition to run yet (any suggestions?) - so watch this space if you fancy winning a copy of this book!

Right... back to my reading...