Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Crazy Ex-Girlfriends, Huh?

I want to share this interesting article about how the trope of the 'crazy ex-girlfriend' protects abusive men. (See the link below for article).

And now, 18 months on, and in a stronger frame of mind (thanks to the help of the counselling a year ago), I remember once when He Who Shall Not Be Named did exactly this to me.

I can't really remember the whole story, because at the time, so loved up and not the jealous type, I never took too much notice of it. I never saw the significance until lately, and from the rumours I hear of his current behaviour.

But he did just this! He implied he had a woman who was some sort of crazy ex!

We were walking along the high street (more than likely playing sodding Pokemon Go), when he told me about a woman who he said he was friends with (or something along those lines), but she'd misread the signs, 'fancying' him, and wanted more from him. And having turned her down, she'd then turned a bit 'crazy' on him.

And in his nice-natured, convincing tone, I believed him! Why wouldn't I? He seemed such a nice guy - back then! The man who spoilt me, and loved me... as long as it was on HIS terms...

I realise now he was protecting himself in case this woman did see us together and tried to warn me about his narcissistic, selfish tendencies, and his lies. He could quite possibly cheated on me. I will never know. But he was grooming me to believe him, and not her, should she appear.

Because she was the crazy ex!

Ladies, I urge you to read this article. I don't know how else to protect you. If I knew the women He Who Shall Not Be Named was dating, I'd be messaging every single one of them!

(The irony is they do end up messaging me, and I'm happy to hear from them, and put their minds at rest).

If you EVER meet a man who claims to have a "crazy ex-girlfriend" or two, delve a little deeper - and remember there are two sides to every story! Maybe she's not that crazy, after all...

How the trope of the 'crazy ex-girlfriend' protects abusive men. 

Sunday, 27 January 2019

To Tinder Or Not To Tinder

So, the other night, I'm lying in bed thinking, like normal, rather than sleeping... and it's going through my head, do I join Tinder for research purposes?

I mean, at the moment, I'm not really that fussed about dating. I'm liking life single. And well, we all know how depressed I get when I start going online and see the dross I have to put up with.

However, on the phone the other day to my agent, discussing future books, my writing career etc. etc. etc. and she said something about the online dating I'd used in the book that's been rejected; it didn't have the swiping left and right which is associated with online dating. And I replied, that is only if you want a shag. Those genuinely wanting to find a relationship actually look at profiles and message. And besides, I was basing my fictional online dating site on something like Plenty Of Fish, where there is the 'Meet Me' facility. But you don't need to swipe to message one another. You can view profiles and send messages without swiping. The 'Meet Me' is actually a paid for option.

I think those that haven't used online dating, don't realise that it is not the only way to meet people. Different sites work in different ways. And I tried to incorporate that into the 'rejected' book. (Book 4 as it's the 4th book I've written).

So, I'm thinking, having NEVER been on Tinder, should I go on there and see what the whole swiping left and right thing does?

Or do I want to get sucked into another dating app which will waste my life and make me miserable.

But it's for research...

Anyone been on Tinder... can you recommend?

Thursday, 24 January 2019

Looking For Book-Bubers

(From Bristol that would be Book-babbers ha ha!)

There is always something that needs doing as mum, house owner, writer... 

Now I'm in need of BookBub followers. This is the new thing and publishers are looking for their authors to gather followers. BookBub is another platform to buy books through. You can find the book and then decide where you wish to buy it, whether it be Amazon, iTunes, Google, Kobo etc.

At some point, I will sit down and work out how to get a button on my website and blog, to lead my readers to BookBub. But the problem is, this will probably take up valuable writing time. And as I feel as if I've sat at my desk long enough today, it will have to land on the ever growing To-Do list.

So, anyway, for now, if you would all kindly follow me on BookBub I would be eternally grateful.

Clear HERE to follow me on BookBub.

Saturday, 12 January 2019

Do Soulmates Exist?

Do you believe in soulmates?

As a romantic novelist I do... I'm writing about them, aren't I? But in reality, do they really exist?

This month marks that I have been separated/divorced from my ex-husband seven years. In this time, through online dating, I have met quite a few a couple of guys, and one in particular really did make me think I'd found my soulmate. But it wasn't to be. He Who Shall Not Be Named conned me out of my heart basically. I won't go into too much detail in this blog post. Let's just say I've written enough discussing it in the past. You can start here if you like. But I did waste 14 months of my life on the wrong man who made me believe he was my Mr Right.

Anyway, seven years single... on and off... and I'm still wondering will I find my Mr Right? Will I find someone who ticks most of the boxes. Maybe 'ticking boxes' is a crude term, but we all have things we look for in a partner, don't we? (Or is it just as we get older?)

And I'm not talking about materialistic boxes, I'm talking about their personality, their attitudes and beliefs in life. (Some of the materialistic ones are important too - you're a liar if you say they are not). These boxes are what help us click.

The longer I live a single life, the more I'm getting to enjoy it, and I'm not even sure I want to make time for someone else. But then occasionally I miss the kisses, the cuddles, the intimacy, someone to share everything with.

I did meet a guy last year. He really was one of the good guys. I know he was. My womanly-sixth-spidery-sense told me. He ticked every box going and some! However, there wasn't that 'spark' - not for me anyway. I am still kicking myself. I really really wanted there to be a spark!

But it's something you just can't force. Mother Nature won't let you.

Why does life send me arseholes to fall in love with, and when a good guy comes along I don't fancy them? (And it's nothing to do with falling for bad boys - if you ever saw He Who Shall Not Be Named there was definitely nothing bad-boy about him!) It makes me think I'm best not looking for love.

If you truly believe you've found your soul mate, then hang on to them, work at it when times get tough, and treasure every moment with this person, because I believe finding a soulmate is very few and far between. Not everyone gets to meet theirs. You are truly lucky.

So as I enter 2019, like I did 2018, single, I will see where it leads... Back in 2013 I was afraid of being on my own. For 2019, I can say confidently, I am not afraid anymore.

If only Tom Hardy would have me as a friend with benefits...

Sunday, 30 December 2018

Wishing You All A Happy New Year!

I want to take this opportunity to wish all my friends, family, readers, and fellow writers a Happy New Year! Everyone who connects with me through social media - Happy New Year!

I'm getting it in early, as tomorrow I will actually be working. Then, I'll probably get side-tracked playing That's You or Knowledge is Power on the PS4 with the boys...

I want to especially thank the readers for buying my books, and leaving great reviews. This really does help authors, especially when they're questioning whether their writing is shit or not. (Me - all the time.) To read a five-star review does squash that negativity - even if it's my first book published five years ago.

2018 has been fairly positive for me, especially by writing those three positives a day, I have focused on the good things this year. It is something I will continue to do in 2019. I also have my friends to thank for keeping me positive, keeping me laughing and having so much fun. I have embraced being a singleton.

Sadly, I don't have a new book contract, so I have no idea what 2019 will bring on the book front, only that I will continue to write and persevere with my writing career. I actually have an idea now mulling around my head which is not likely to be deemed romance, but more commercial women's fiction.

However, I do have some fantastic events already planned for 2019! (It's about getting dates in the diary.) Can't wait for February, where I will be visiting Dublin for the first time ever and I am involved with the Weston Literary Festival again.

So watch this space!

I'm not very good at making new years resolutions, but I do want this year to be focused on improving my house - it needs decorating! (It will be a case of hoping the writing doesn't suffer and how much funds allow. Decorating party, anyone?)

Have a very happy New Year, and I wish you a positive year. And if occasionally life throws you a negative, try to take the positives from it.

Much love, to you all,

Teresa x