I'm having one of those 'I feel overwhelmed moments.'
I've had a really lovely day today with my friend. We've gone to the cinema while the kids were at school, so we've had the place to ourselves. And before that we had a late breakfast/very early lunch at Frankie And Benny's. We both had pancakes with bacon and maple syrup. Yum!
Then I've come home and picked up the boys from school, and that's when reality crashes back. My lovely day out is the price of no housework being done, still the ever increasing 'to do' list, and no writing achieved. Plus the joy of argumentative, fighting kids.
Sometimes I think life would be easier if I didn't write. I wouldn't beat myself up every time I spend some leisure time with friends. I wouldn't have that nagging voice at the back of my mind saying, 'I should be writing'. The housework wouldn't seem such a chore, or waste of time, because I'd have plenty of time to do it, rather than thinking, 'I'd rather be writing'. I'd probably actually have free time.
Just imagine... time to watch the TV. Guilt free.
Life was simpler without kids, working Monday to Friday nine till five... wasn't it? Although I wasn't really happy then, because I found myself bored. Very bored.
Life would feel better if I could write Monday to Friday nine till five...
However, that doesn't pay so well at the moment - and I doubt it ever will! - so I have to work to feed us, and keep a roof over our heads. Also, the housework - even the bare minimum I do - still has to be done. And before you harp on you can leave the housework, there is still some that has to be done daily, like cooking and the washing up! And we all need clean clothes. (I can't live in complete chaos - I'm just not that sort of person).
I know I chose to be a single mum, and I don't regret that decision. I wasn't happy, and now I am. But it is hard work. Being a mum full stop is hard work. But when I'm trying to make a career out of writing - because wouldn't it be nice to be a woman with a career!?
- plus work (which isn't a job I'd choose but fits around the kids) to pay the bills, and then the cooking, cleaning, ironing... Some days, I just feel overwhelmed and fed up... as if I'm forever chasing my tail. Or biting off more than I can chew...
So if you ever feel like you're having one of those days too. You are not alone.