Life At Nifty Fifty

I thought I best blog about turning 50. 

It happened last week, and if you follow me on Instagram, then you'll know I was doing a reel in the last days of my forties - much to my sons' delight. (You're so embarrassing, mum!) 

The interesting thing is, I just filmed myself, no make-up - maybe brushed my hair and did it. Twenty years ago, or even ten, I would have needed full make-up on and a change of top! 

Being fifty doesn't really feel very different. Age is just a number really, and with a positive mindset, you'll keep yourself young. It's just the body that will let us down sometimes ha ha! But even then with good diet and exercise, you can help keep your body working too. I am trying to grow old gracefully, or disgracefully... depending how you want to look at it.

But my aim is to work on my fitness and my health so I can continue to live life to the fullest. 

Turning fifty has meant that I have been spoilt with cards, messages and presents. And CAKE! (Thank you, Sara, The Bentley Road Baker!)

My day was spent with some good friends at Bath Thermae Spa and then a late lunch at The Ivy. 

I had drinks on the Friday evening with even more of my valued friends, and visited my mum on Sunday, to get another cake - carrot cake made with love by Mum. 

And then, just to add more grey hairs, an adrenalin filled day at Thorpe Park on the rollercoasters! 

Anyway, I never get depressed about being a year older. Some people don't get to make it to fifty... or whatever age. We should always be grateful for every day we get to live life. 

Some days are harder than others, as life can throw curveballs at times, but I have found writing down my three positives from my day just before I go to bed has helped me have a much more positive outlook on life, and even when I look back over the year. 

Carrot Cake!

I've focussed on the good, not the bad.

For things to change, you've got to change.* (*by Jim Rohn)

I started journaling in 2017 when my self-esteem had reached its lowest. By the end of 2019 I came off online dating. And in 2020, where I discovered in Lockdown I was happy on my own, I joined UW to improve my financial situation and fund my writing passion. 

And through this business, it sent me on a massive personal development journey.

Life is good. I am happy, albeit perimenopausal - ha ha! Here's to the next 50 years! 

49

So I'm now in the last year of my 40's. This is technically, my 50th year... 

The last couple of years has been a dramatical change to my mindset, all thanks to joining Utility Warehouse. I was probably getting stronger already, as I'd dropped online dating. I'd clearly got to the point where I didn't want timewasters in my life anymore and that if I was meant to be with someone, eventually the universe would provide. 

However, the past couple of years has really strengthened my belief that I am more than happy to live on my own. I have enough friends and things going on around me to keep me busy. And I'll never be bored because I will always have writing. 

UW has given me something that I also desired; financial freedom. And the belief that I will have it. 

I am concerned that if I did find someone else in this life, I don't want to lose my financial independence. I will want to own my own house. I don't want to be in a relationship to rely on that person's income. And I definitely don't want to give up on the decision making. 

In my marriage it had been so easy to hand over all the financial reins to my husband. But now I've got them back, I don't want to ever lose that again. 

I was supposed to post this around my birthday... I started writing it in October, the day before my birthday, but opps... I've neglected my blog. 

Anyway, here's to the last year in my forties, and to my fifty things for fifty... 

My 3 Positives A Day Advice

Way back in January, or around the beginning of the year, or at some point, I said I'd talk about my 3 positives a day.

Now, I originally blogged here when I first started doing this : Original blog post can be found here. So feel free to read that post too. 

Basically, back in 2017, I found myself with very low self-esteem after a relationship I thought to be healthy ending very suddenly. I took myself off to counselling because I wasn't really sure I could do this on my own and I'm grateful that I did.

Over 3 years on, and I'm still doing the one activity she set me: to write three positives for that day before I went to bed. 

I now find it's easier to have a page to view diary, so I've got plenty of room to journal (because sometimes I have more than 3 things or I want to write about them more deeply) and I can't lose track of the days!

What does this do?

It means I don't dwell on the negatives, and at the end of the year, I only look back and see positive things. EVEN in a year like 2020! (And I think my self-esteem has improved).

So it's not too late. It's the beginning of February! (Sorry I'm late at posting this.) Grab a diary, journal or a notepad. Put it by your bed with a pen... And write three positives a day.

Some days are harder. Some days it might be the sun was shining and at least I got out for a ten minute walk. But do not - and this is very important - do not note or dwell too much on the negatives. Really try hard to only put the positives in, even if you've had the shittiest day on record. Just think about the positives... 

And then come tell me what you think and feel in a year... 

*I've finished reading The Miracle Morning, and Hal Elrod recommends scribing/writing (it's one of his Life SAVERS) in the morning. I've decided that mine can easily wait until the end of the day, as I wouldn't want to stop this process. But Hal is right, it is good to have something to look back on. However, sometimes, I don't even need to do that. I just know my year has been a good year, or has had many positive points to it. 

The Only Thing Standing Between You And Your Goal Is YOU.

I've come to realise, especially with reading lots of self-development lately, that, without sounding lazy, I don't want to go back to full time work. 

I've been lucky that for the past 16 years I've been a stay-at-home mum, only working part-time. Those hours have increased as the boys have got older, and my divorce requiring me to work more for working tax credit purposes etc.

However, I love this part-time life, and I wouldn't be a writer if I didn't have it.

I love that I am here for my children - even though they're getting less dependent on me now. 

So my goal is to remain working part-time. In fact, my goal is to eventually be my own boss in my own business. But one step at a time... 

I've never thought myself ambitious, but it's like I've had some realisation that I actually am.

When I started my new venture I didn't realise this. But now, I want the holidays, the cars... it's not about the money, it's about the life I wish to lead, providing for my kids; the financial independence. Which is so important as a single mother!

Maybe working years for a company I don't really like has helped this realisation, because I've seen it with my own eyes. I'll always be a number, an employee, easily replaceable. The only way I'll earn more is to work more for them (or another company). And it's still capped.

Today, I paid for my oven to be cleaned. I usually do this every 1-2 years. One day I want to able to afford a cleaner for my house! The only way I'll do this if I work for myself and not work for someone else. 

Also today, as well as touching my business, I've had the time to put dinner on in the slow cooker and make a batch of my 7-veg tomato sauce, which I generally use as a homemade pasta sauce. 

This free time is so important to me! 

This journey won't be easy - I certainly can't give up the part-time job yet. I'm not on some get rich quick scheme and I'm well out of my comfort zone. But nothing ever grows in your comfort zone. I've seen that it works for others, so why can't it work for me too?  

I can't recommend self-development books enough! Positive thoughts definitely is key. They've made me realise my potential.

Never quit on a bad day. We're all going to get them. The journey will never be easy. But if you want it bad enough, the Universe will make it happen.

The Positives Of Lockdown

We're in week 4 of lockdown now. This will start to become testing times for even those who have been okay with the isolation and social distancing.

It must be much harder on those who live alone. At least I have two boys and a budgie to chatter to.





And I am fortunate to be able to go to work, so at the end of a week of staying home, and only leaving my house to exercise, I do see civilisation. (I use that word loosely because some of our customers are far from civilised, and I wish they would treat retail workers with a lot more respect, but that is another blog post!)

As I writer, I'm also far from bored staying home. I can either write or read. In fact, I made a list of things I want to do, but really, I should be writing! So, I'm not sure if lockdown is giving me more time or not really.

The one true positive about this is that I do have time to cook. I enjoy cooking meals from scratch. I'm no longer trying to get one boy to football, or the other to hockey/athletics. Therefore, I can start tea when I'm ready, and if we have it at 5.30pm, 6.00pm or a bit later, it really doesn't matter.

And the boys have been involved in baking - now we have flour!









We're also getting to spend more time in the evenings together, so I've got more quality time with my boys. The only downside is we can't go on a day trip to our favourite places. But I do make us go for a walk, and we get to chat to each other while exercising, and discovering the local footpaths around our house that we wouldn't normally walk.

The Easter holidays were challenging. Finding things to do in the garden and to stretch them out, so I could get them off the PlayStation for a bit each day got trickier.

Next week it's back to the home-schooling schedule, so they'll have academic work to keep them off their screens. And I should be able to get back to the writing.

Do you have any positives to take from the lock down? If so, I'd love to hear them.

Stay safe, stay home. Please remember to minimise your visits to shops - for essentials! Plan what you need to buy. This is not a time to browse.

Also remember, reading romance is wonderful, uplifting escapism.

Teresa x x x

So I Gave Tinder A Go...

And the verdict?

Well, the long story short is, it's a much more visual online dating app basically.

With POF (Plenty of Fish) you can gather more information about the person you're looking at. There is more details about their personality than just the pretty pictures, although some still only look at the pretty pictures. *insert eye roll emoji here*

You can see if they smoke, how tall they are... They have filled in their 'body' type, whether they have kids, whether they're interested in having children.

With Tinder, unless the guy writes something in the profile bit, which isn't many characters, (not as much as POF - I really had to edit it down) you know nothing about him except the photos he has posted.

And if he's stupid enough not to post good quality pictures, then suffice to say, he's probably not going to get a great response... (I swipe left!)

There is a profile bit in POF and not all fill it out (I tend to avoid these profiles because if they're too lazy to put something about themselves, then what will be their approach to a relationship?) but at least if they've filled out some of the criteria stuff, you've got an idea of whether you want to meet. Especially if smoking or drinking is a big no no in your book. Or they might want kids, and you don't. Or you're 5' 8" and he's only 5'! (Just kidding, slightly exaggerating there. I'm only 5' 4).

So, I do think Tinder is possibly more for hook ups, and not anything long term.

I'm not saying nothing long term can't come from it, but it really is a case of liking each others pictures first. If you physically fancy them, you'll swipe right...

This is a great filter however. You can only chat if you've both swiped right, i.e. liked each other.

With POF anyone can message you, even if you set filters, so it makes you feel rude when you ignore their messages. Well, it makes me feel rude, but I have learnt not to reply to those I don't have an interest in. It can give them false hope. lol! And you can tell some have just looked at the pretty pictures, and not read my profile. *insert eye roll emoji again*

I distinctly say fitness is important, and men with two chins message me! I'm sooooo sorry, but I won't find them attractive, and I'm so opinionated about health and fitness, they'd soon get fed up with me. It won't work.

Anyway, still not sure about the whole dating thing at the moment. Life is good, I am busy, I might just let my fairy godmother take charge for now... (That's my way of saying I'm letting the universe handle it).

New Chapter, New Mantra...

Always look for positives in situations.

My friend posted the link below on my Facebook profile. (I then shared it to my page.)

15 things you should stop putting yourself through

I tend to put myself through the mill when bad things happen to me i.e. relationship break ups. I really give myself a hard time.

I have to reassure myself I am not a bad person, I am reasonable and understanding, that my flaws (actually another friend has told me not to call them that) - quirks are quite normal. Everyone has them. No one is perfect.

Some human beings are better than others. Some are diabolical. I am not one of those human beings.

Me, I need to stop doubting myself. I need to listen to my inner voice. And I do need to stop dwelling on the past... but that's quite hard because I think that's in me, my make-up. But I do let go eventually... time will help me.

Oh, and the most important one of all in the above link. Point 11 - STOP WORRYING!

I am a born worrier! (It's one of my quirks!)

Anyway, with April here, and the heart break lessening... although far from gone. (Still wake up every day thinking of him. The other day I was missing him so bad, wondering what we'd be doing together in the sunshine... Today, I missed that I couldn't text him and tell him what the boys and I were up to. I still cry when I tell myself I should no longer. I really am grieving the loss of a relationship.)

So if you need to start the day on a positive note, and need to rebuild your self-esteem and self-worth... read the above blog - all 15 points. And bookmark it.

I'm putting dates in my diary, making time for friends, making time for me. I need to get my third book written; the past 5 weeks have been disastrous with my lack of focus.

I'm trying to focus. I'm trying to be more positive... Because the more positive I look at life, the more someone is going find me attractive and want to be apart of my life - for good. This is my hope, and aim.

I have learnt that the next relationship I enter I will make them make promises to me. I know nothing is forever, I've certainly learnt this recently. However, they can promise to work at the relationship and not give up on it.

In the meantime, I'm going to get used to being single and buy myself flowers.