Good Job I'm Not A Bad Loser

I can safely say I will not win NaNoWriMo this year. I've been failing to actually get bum on seat some days and get the writing done, and then the days that I do, I have not been hitting the 1,666 word target which is required to reach 50,000 words in 30 days.

I have written so far 15,287 words (little counter to the right should verify this too :D). Those words seriously need editing mind. But that is 14,179 words short of where I should be today.  (Becky Black will love that I have a spreadsheet to calculate this. Spread sheets are her thing. They can be my thing too. It's maybe why we get on so well.) But this is the reason why I will not win. NaNoWriMo calculates I need to write 2629 words a day for the rest of the month. It's not going to happen. Not unless I want my RSI to come and hit me in the face! (Well, the wrist actually).

So I'm a winner in that I'm writing again, with everything that real life is throwing at me I think this is a damn good achievement. After November I will need to get back to editing The Wedding Favour and being tough with myself about it. You will not make it as a writer if you do not put the work in, Teresa! 

However, as I said to my writing friends in my little writing group, I think I'm too tough on myself. I'm impatient basically, and want it to happen as soon as possible, and stress myself that it is not, because it's a vicious circle. I won't see writing achievements if I'm not writing and working at it. However, I think I need to take a step back, just keep at it, write when I can write (and not beat myself up when I can't) and eventually it will come. My desperation is because I am miserable in my job. If writing could pay the bills, I would be happier. So, I need to find something else don't I?

It doesn't mean I'm giving up my dream of writing, it just means finding something more enjoyable to do to bring in the bread and butter, and work around my children (which is priority) and my writing. I'm tired of getting up at 5.30am every Saturday morning. I want my weekends back!

I thought about becoming a teaching assistant, and I'm not striking that off, but maybe for a quicker solution, and less training required, maybe I need to find a job in a school (or college) doing admin.

In other news, I did manage to watch Skyfall last night. Obviously for research purposes. It has nothing to do with Daniel Craig being the best James Bond ever - in my opinion anyway! Very good film by the way. Okay so it has the typical James Bond traits. The girl he sleeps with dies and that sort of thing, but it's not as corny as Pierce Brosnan surfing a tidal wave on a door! I feel Mr Craig gives Mr Bond a lot more depth than his predecessors. Characterisation is important.

NaNoWriMo So Far...

To achieve the 50,000 words in one month, bearing in mind November only has 30 days, you need to write an average of 1,666 words a day. Actually, it's 1,666.66666 recurring. So if you write 1,667 a day, you'll get your 50,000 words easy.

Although I have a book that desperately needs editing to resubmit to a publisher, and another returned from the RNA NWS which also needs editing, with everything going on in my life, and dramas that keep adding to it, I couldn't face it. I find editing hard at the best of times, and find it less creative. With the writing of the words you can put anything down and tell the story the way you want to tell it, and how it comes out of your head, down your fingers and on to the screen.

I needed to get that back. I needed my writing mojo. 

I amaze myself that I can stare at the blank screen - that blank piece of electronic paper - and fill it, when I didn't even know where the story was heading. But I hadn't been doing it lately, I've even got out of the habit of reading! What a crime!

Having decided only about a week before NaNo started to actually participate, you can safely say I've done not a lot of brainstorming. But I've had a few stories floating around my head and on my 'plot bunny' list. I update my Onenote folder all the time.

I was going to write a fantasy story, but decided I needed to brainstorm this better as it does need some world building. It would stop the flow during NaNoWriMo as I'd be having to decide too much. Not ideal in writing 50,000 words in 30 days. Therefore I decided to go with a vampire idea that's been harassing me for some time. The world is Earth, just with supernatural creatures, so the world building is less. And I've got a lot of notes on it in Onenote. It doesn't have a title, and I can't work out if Margaret's (that's her name for now) human companion will be her lover in the end - she's very protective of him - or her maker, who she will try to find. He is Soctrates. A Greek vampire, about 1000 years old. He saves her from a fate that would have killed her. Well, technically it does kill her, because she's immortal in the human form, but a vampire.

Yesterday, I should have reached around the 5,000 word mark to be on target. Currently, I am at 3244 words. But to be honest, I'm not worried. The fact that I've written 3244 words in the past three days is far more important than keeping to the target. I would not have written those words if it wasn't for NaNoWriMo. 

I have written everyday, but I forgot to update my NaNoWriMo Page on the second day. Hoping, if the kids allow, for me to get some more done today - a bigger writing session. I'm only 3437 words behind.

Anyone else participating in NaNoWriMo I don't know about and how are you finding it so far? 

In Search Of Writing Mojo

I've decided to put the editing on hold for yet another month, so that I can concentrate on NaNoWriMo, in the hope to finding my writing mojo.

Now, it's a toss up between writing another contemporary romance - I have an idea of an ex-fireman and an artist who are neighbours, and fight like cat and dog, until something pushes them together, and they realise the actual bickering is because they fancy the pants off one another. Or my vampire idea, where instead of being buried for a month to finish the 'making' process, she is buried for over 100 years and goes in search of her maker, and whether she will still find him alive. Or I have a fantasy idea, which is a sort of cross between Willow, Lord of The Rings, and How To Train A Dragon. Obviously, they will all contain some romance, but the genre and sub-plot will make them different to the contemporary romances that I (try to) write.

Another thing that is niggling away at me. I want to rejoin the RNA's new writers' scheme, and think what will be my next book that I send them next year? Or will I edit Perfect Isn't An Option and re-send that for another grilling. But I will want to send them something, otherwise it will be a waste of an opportunity in such a great scheme.

If I write a contemporary romance for NaNoWriMo, it will mean I've got a novel in process for submitting to the scheme... However, the point of doing NaNo is to have some fun, and to get back into the swing of writing, making time for it etc. So should I go with something that feels burning to be written?

I don't believe this is writer's block, this is me losing my mojo. My motivation has gone at the moment. There is just so much going on in my life, draining my thought process, some I would love to tell you all about, but can't really. (I've been accused of attention seeking by airing my life so publicly). My brain is just foggy. That's the only way I can describe it. And my heart feels tender and a little heavy. Everything is good writing fodder, and with my emotions up and down, I've tried to note some of it, in the hope I can use it for writing.

But I live for the day when my heroes are back in my head, talking to me good and proper. I miss those day-dreamy days. 

Another worry, which is a frustration more than anything, is that if I'm not writing then I'm going to take even longer at reaching my dream of being published. So I add this additional pressure to myself - don't I? *rolls eyes* I have Champagne in the fridge waiting! Maybe I'll open it upon entering new house and new life... and buy another bottle for my first signed writing contract.

The whole purpose of this blog post was to get me to do some writing. And I did.

I am off to my mum's for a few days tomorrow. I will be taking my new laptop and trying it out, meaning I won't be too cut off from the internet - if I can get the kids off it. I also need to get back into reading too. I read to Ben, but I'm not doing enough for me either. Gosh, 2012 is turning out to be a tough year for me. I'm going to try not to beat myself up about it too much.

I Must Be Off My Writing Rocker

Not only am I failing at writing and editing (The Wedding Favour for a resubmission), and even reading, I am feeling really guilty about it, too. And sometimes that doesn't help the inspiration either, as it eats away at you. But real life is getting in the way. My time, my brain, life is draining all of my writing mojo.

So there I was this morning reading Sally Quilford's blog about Surviving NaNoWriMo and I thought, maybe I should do it.

I know really I need to be editing, but the editing doesn't always feel creative, and it is currently hard to motivate myself to do it. It requires concentration, and I just don't have it at the moment. I don't even think my heart is in it to be ruthless with the words. Maybe I need to get sucked into a story, to the point I don't want to stop writing it. Maybe I just need to make writing fun again, as Sally suggests.

Therefore I have joined NaNoWriMo 2012 - This is me - The Wittering Woman - please buddy me!

Now I need to think about a story I'm going to write... Do I stick to the romance, or should I write the fantasy story I have, or even the vampire story I really want to tell. And for fun, I may ask for some plot ninjas too from you guys... so get the suggestions in!

Please note, there is no guarantee I'm going to do this... and I certainly might not finish (if I do start) like I did in 2006, but I thought this at least gives me a week to think about it. It might be just what I need.