Tuesday, 5 September 2017

When Will It Go Right?


And here I am again, brokenhearted.

I had hoped I wouldn't get to feel like this again. I trusted you to stick with me through thick and thin.

But here I am, lost again.

I grieve the loss of a love, a relationship... a man who I thought was my forever.

No more text messages in the morning, or last thing at night, even though you're still my first waking thoughts, and who I think of late in the evening, tucked up in bed. And I wonder what you're doing during the day, because I no longer have that contact with you.

My phone is silent, yet I look at it in the hope you'll text to say you miss me, like I miss you, so so much.

My heart hollow, I walk about empty, a dull ache in my chest, my head clouded and foggy, wondering how I got to this point, how did we become so broken, so quickly. How can I feel so happy one day and so devastated the next?

No more kisses, or cuddles, no more snuggles on the sofa watching our favourite TV shows and sharing a bottle of wine, no more little touches or making love...

My love for you has turned to a rage, yet I still love you. I'm trying not to think about you, I'm trying to go on about my day. But occasionally a memory will stop me in my tracks. I have cried too many tears.

I know time heals. I know my love for you will dull, and I will find peace... It just takes so long... For now I need to learn to live with missing you, this emptiness, this gap you've left in my life.

Positivity has left me; I'm starting to believe my only happy ever afters are the ones I write...