Thou Shall Not Chase

Maybe I should title this the trials and tribulations of a dating single mum...

I mean, when I am messaging some guy I hope to date, my eleven year old is looking over my shoulder and asking "who am I texting?"

"Just a friend." *lie mode cancel*

I just don't have that many friends, let alone ones that text me regularly. The day he realises this I am rumbled.

When someone does start texting me regularly I actually have to put my phone on silent so that the kids don't get too curious.

So, yeah, I've ventured, on and off, again, with the online dating malarkey thing.

I'm a sucker for punishment. Obviously.

And it's nice to get a text message, to feel wanted, that someone has thought about you enough to message.

However, it's a game half the time.

But I've got to start somewhere, right?

The thing is, I'm not even sure I'm ready. I get bored with it quickly - well, men, I get bored with men. And I don't mean in a slutty way. Nope, I just get bored with the messaging, or when they don't message, or when the messages have clearly been sent by their dick... In the end I'm doing the Jessica Jones eye roll gif. Yeah, you've seen the one!

A conversation with a very wise friend recently, she confirmed what I already knew - as she's been on the planet a bit longer than me - men really do think with their dicks.

I just now need to remember this - always!

I've now got a trust issue (thanks to my previous relationship - insert Jessica Jones Eye Roll Gif again)... I mean, when dating, messaging, whatever, I'm thinking; does he just want sex, is he a player, or is he genuinely looking for a long-term relationship? Or will he say he wants long-term, and just leave once he's done with me.

The ones that appear genuine I don't fancy.  They're not unattractive but I just don't fancy them! There isn't the spark! I really want there to be but it isn't there. And they're real sweethearts and I've got to turn them down for another date.

And go back on that bloody app!

Then there are ones I find attractive, but there can't be much of an interest for them... because they don't even message me back! Really should just stick to my Thou Shall Not Chase, and let the guys message me first.

The other ones I do find attractive, that there is a spark, I'll be like, is he a player, will he bolt at the first argument, can I actually trust he's genuine?

There is so much I want to put on my profile, but it'll make me look bitter and twisted, and insight inappropriate comments probably. But I just don't want to play games, and Thou Shall Not Chase!

What I have discovered also is the double standards. Guys want pretty women, with a great figure who keep themselves fit, yet they're not exactly 'fit' themselves (when I come to meet them). They have the nerve to tell me they don't find overweight women attractive... but when I'm meet them, they are overweight themselves! Now, I'm not looking for someone who is obsessed with the gym. I just want someone who takes health and fitness seriously.

Also, all these men are looking for strong minded, independent, interesting women... but they actually don't know what to do with one once they've got her. Heaven forbid she disagrees with them. (Oh, they'll walk out of a perfectly good relationship... that's what they'll do...) Really, they want doormats... only they don't find them attractive.

So do you want to know why I write romance? Because like I have on my website profile, let's face it. men in reality don't exist like the heroes in books. And occasionally, us women like to meet men who don't constantly think with their dick... These men can be found in books.