Life's Acupuncture

With the kids off school, I've failed at writing, so today I thought I'd blog about something I've been mulling over lately.

Life isn't treating me badly in the grand scheme of things. I know I'm fortunate. I'm healthy, I've got a job (I think) and a roof over my head - although there is a leak, as water is dripping from my kitchen ceiling when the boys shower in the bathroom. I'm a published author too!

However, small things in life are niggling away at me. Little things keep going wrong. Like the leak!

A prime example is that I had my new sofa arrive yesterday. And it is LUSH. And I can't believe it fits perfectly and goes so well with the room. We can now watch the TV in comfort! And I've not parted with a penny! (I'm paying over 4 years interest free - thank you, DFS!)

However, the bench stool has a crack in the side of one of it's panels on the inside. (It has a storage compartment. In a small house it's all about storage for me.) I didn't notice it until the delivery men had left.

So it has meant getting in touch with DFS, and they're organising a new base to be made. Now it's all fine really, but it's just another niggle of life being annoying. Instead of the furniture arriving and everything is great. I've had to make a call, send off photos etc. I couldn't just receive the furniture with no problems.

And I thought the other day, all these things that seem to go wrong when I could do without it; it's like acupuncture. A needle gets twisted, causing a little pain. That's what these nuisances are.

The thing how acupuncture works is that those needles tell the body where to concentrate on the healing. So are these little pains from life, just making me stronger?

And maybe I'm noticing them because I'm stressed with the worry of making things work out. Is this all just part of the wobble?

I suppose I'd rather these little niggles, than something big going wrong in life, but sometimes it would be nice if something went right!

Two Years Officially Single

Two years ago today, I was put back on the shelf.

I know it's not a bad thing, although at the time it broke my heart, so much so, I had to take myself off to counselling. I couldn't understand why a perfectly good relationship could end so suddenly, and wondered what I had done wrong.

Counselling helped me to discover that the relationship wasn't healthy, because everything had been on his terms. And as soon as I'd gained confidence in the relationship, to start speaking up when I wasn't happy, he'd ended it.

Yes, I am sad. Yes, I do want to be in a relationship. I do miss sharing my free time with someone, to go on mini-adventures with them! But I do not want to be in this kind of relationship. I suppose, in the last seven years of being on and off single, I've learnt I will not settle for anything less than I deserve.

If that means being single for the rest of my life, then that is something I am now prepared to face.

Relationships are hard work, you do need to both work at it. There will be tough times. But predominantly if you love someone, it will work out. There needs to be much more laughter than tears... unless they are happy tears!

If I've learnt anything from my failed marriage, it is exactly that. It does take the two of us to make the relationship work. I am just as guilty at the failure of my marriage. I let it go past the point of  not wanting to go back.

Anyway, today I may feel a little sombre. I do find it hard to believe he did the right thing. (But then that could be my mind having been conned). I will believe it when the right person comes along and I realise that what I had with He Who Shall Not Be Named was nothing in comparison.

I have to believe there is someone out there for me.

If there isn't... I'll just get more budgies...

I Feel A Wobble Coming On

Life is good, I am happy but I am feeling a bit out of sorts. Not sure if it's the full moon, new moon, high pressure, low pressure or what, but I just have this niggle of stress going on. Anyway, I feel a wobble coming on.

It's not helping with a bad back. The exercise and the routine isn't what it should be, which I usually finds keeps any stress or depression in check.

However, I think I'm worrying about my future, especially as I've had my mortgage renewal come through. How fast another school year has passed, it won't be long before the boys are leaving, and I've got to think about my financial future. I need a job.

And I'm working on that, wanting to become a virtual assistant. But with that I am stressing too, that if I get this in motion, will I have enough time to fit it all in, from the writing, the part-time job I have to attend to give me a regular income, and actually feeding the kids and keeping the house clean. Don't get me started on epically failing on the decorating my house again this year. It's a good job my dear old Dad attends my garden.

But will this virtual assistant, as a self-employed job, be a regular enough income too?

I'm trying to be proactive, but it all feels very reactive at the moment. I don't know my future... and it's stressing me out!

Maybe at rapidly-approaching-forty-six, I thought I'd have someone to share this stress with, I wouldn't still be single, my future would be clearer. The feeling of wasting 14 months of my life on the wrong man can get me down sometimes. Even now.

I don't need a man, but one would be nice...

I suppose my biggest fear is that I may have to give up the writing. Or I won't be able to do it as often as I get to do it now. And the writing keeps me sane. It is my happy pill. But even if I get a full time job... I'm pretty sure it won't pay me enough, having been out of 'proper' work for over fifteen years.

And I don't have someone at home, bringing in the regular income. I am doing this on my own.

This is really hard.

I know money doesn't buy happiness, but it does ease financial stress.

So forgive me if I wobble.

We're Not Allowed To Say This....

But... 

Sometimes there is a cause to say "Man the fuck up!"

I'll apologise now, as I may offend some maybe with the above statement but I am angry, and passionate about the way I feel. This is me! Maybe you'll understand if you read further.

So, I was dating someone and we joked about how busy we were etc. but we found the time to have the first date, and that went well. Over a week later we had the 2nd date and then a couple of weeks later we had a third.

This was slow dating for me, and each date felt like the first, with the nerves, because so much time had passed between each one we had to get to know one another again. But maybe this was a good thing, I thought, (and so did my friends) as I seemed to get swept off my feet, and then come crashing down with a bang.

Anyway, last weekend (and I'd told him prior), I said I could make myself available for a drink on the Saturday evening.

Saturday arrived, and I was texting, "Are we meeting?" a little to my annoyance, as a girl really wants to be asked out by the boy. Even in The Big Bang Theory episode (Season 2 episode 2 The Codpiece Topology) I laughed as Leslie, very clinically, let Leonard be the man to organise the dates and telling him to call her.

My response to this text was that he was at a friends.

Now I don't have a problem with that. Only if he was interested, which I believed he was, as he'd been messaging me since our last date, two weeks before, he should have said, "Sorry I have plans that night, but are you free Friday or Sunday?"

I replied with a jokey text about our next date really would be June 2020 (as it had been our little joke with each of us having busy schedules).

I've not heard anything since.

I mean, Sunday, I received no text from him. And I refused to text first. 1) Because I was the last to text, and 2) If he's interested in me then he'd message, right?

NOTHING!

So here is where I believe he should Man The Fuck Up! 

Surely I deserve an explanation, even a simple, "Sorry, I don't think this will work out." ???

No, I get the cowardice and rude approach of just leaving it dead in the air when ironically his online profile states something about being a gentleman....

And my friends wonder why I have self-esteem issues! (Although I know I've done nothing wrong.)

I believe this is an adequate example of when a man should "(gentle)man up" - in my opinion. Agreed?

Off to watch He's Just Not That Into You....

A Mahooosive Twelve Today!

Happy 12th Birthday, Kieran! 

This will be my last year of only having one Teenager in the house. Next year, it all changes, I'm a mum to teenagers. Not teenager.

Happy birthday to my funny, cuddly, footballing, Fortnite geek!







When you're good, you're brilliant. (When you're stubborn, we do clash!)

You help me around the house just by being organised and independent. When I can pull you away from the PlayStation, you're helpful ha ha!

I soon realised and appreciated how much you did when you broke your collar bone and became dependent on me again.



You do make me proud. But your true character shone recently with breaking your collar bone. You were determined to go into school the next day! You were incredibly brave, tolerated the pain and never complained. You really did just get on with it.

You have always been the comedian of the family, the giggler. Always keep that sense of humour!

Keep up the good work, you're growing into a great young man!

So I Gave Tinder A Go...

And the verdict?

Well, the long story short is, it's a much more visual online dating app basically.

With POF (Plenty of Fish) you can gather more information about the person you're looking at. There is more details about their personality than just the pretty pictures, although some still only look at the pretty pictures. *insert eye roll emoji here*

You can see if they smoke, how tall they are... They have filled in their 'body' type, whether they have kids, whether they're interested in having children.

With Tinder, unless the guy writes something in the profile bit, which isn't many characters, (not as much as POF - I really had to edit it down) you know nothing about him except the photos he has posted.

And if he's stupid enough not to post good quality pictures, then suffice to say, he's probably not going to get a great response... (I swipe left!)

There is a profile bit in POF and not all fill it out (I tend to avoid these profiles because if they're too lazy to put something about themselves, then what will be their approach to a relationship?) but at least if they've filled out some of the criteria stuff, you've got an idea of whether you want to meet. Especially if smoking or drinking is a big no no in your book. Or they might want kids, and you don't. Or you're 5' 8" and he's only 5'! (Just kidding, slightly exaggerating there. I'm only 5' 4).

So, I do think Tinder is possibly more for hook ups, and not anything long term.

I'm not saying nothing long term can't come from it, but it really is a case of liking each others pictures first. If you physically fancy them, you'll swipe right...

This is a great filter however. You can only chat if you've both swiped right, i.e. liked each other.

With POF anyone can message you, even if you set filters, so it makes you feel rude when you ignore their messages. Well, it makes me feel rude, but I have learnt not to reply to those I don't have an interest in. It can give them false hope. lol! And you can tell some have just looked at the pretty pictures, and not read my profile. *insert eye roll emoji again*

I distinctly say fitness is important, and men with two chins message me! I'm sooooo sorry, but I won't find them attractive, and I'm so opinionated about health and fitness, they'd soon get fed up with me. It won't work.

Anyway, still not sure about the whole dating thing at the moment. Life is good, I am busy, I might just let my fairy godmother take charge for now... (That's my way of saying I'm letting the universe handle it).

To Tinder Or Not To Tinder

So, the other night, I'm lying in bed thinking, like normal, rather than sleeping... and it's going through my head, do I join Tinder for research purposes?

I mean, at the moment, I'm not really that fussed about dating. I'm liking life single. And well, we all know how depressed I get when I start going online and see the dross I have to put up with.

However, on the phone the other day to my agent, discussing future books, my writing career etc. etc. etc. and she said something about the online dating I'd used in the book that's been rejected; it didn't have the swiping left and right which is associated with online dating. And I replied, that is only if you want a shag. Those genuinely wanting to find a relationship actually look at profiles and message. And besides, I was basing my fictional online dating site on something like Plenty Of Fish, where there is the 'Meet Me' facility. But you don't need to swipe to message one another. You can view profiles and send messages without swiping. The 'Meet Me' is actually a paid for option.

I think those that haven't used online dating, don't realise that it is not the only way to meet people. Different sites work in different ways. And I tried to incorporate that into the 'rejected' book. (Book 4 as it's the 4th book I've written).

So, I'm thinking, having NEVER been on Tinder, should I go on there and see what the whole swiping left and right thing does?

Or do I want to get sucked into another dating app which will waste my life and make me miserable.

But it's for research...

Anyone been on Tinder... can you recommend?

Do Soulmates Exist?

Do you believe in soulmates?

As a romantic novelist I do... I'm writing about them, aren't I? But in reality, do they really exist?

This month marks that I have been separated/divorced from my ex-husband seven years. In this time, through online dating, I have met quite a few a couple of guys, and one in particular really did make me think I'd found my soulmate. But it wasn't to be. He Who Shall Not Be Named conned me out of my heart basically. I won't go into too much detail in this blog post. Let's just say I've written enough discussing it in the past. You can start here if you like. But I did waste 14 months of my life on the wrong man who made me believe he was my Mr Right.

Anyway, seven years single... on and off... and I'm still wondering will I find my Mr Right? Will I find someone who ticks most of the boxes. Maybe 'ticking boxes' is a crude term, but we all have things we look for in a partner, don't we? (Or is it just as we get older?)

And I'm not talking about materialistic boxes, I'm talking about their personality, their attitudes and beliefs in life. (Some of the materialistic ones are important too - you're a liar if you say they are not). These boxes are what help us click.

The longer I live a single life, the more I'm getting to enjoy it, and I'm not even sure I want to make time for someone else. But then occasionally I miss the kisses, the cuddles, the intimacy, someone to share everything with.

I did meet a guy last year. He really was one of the good guys. I know he was. My womanly-sixth-spidery-sense told me. He ticked every box going and some! However, there wasn't that 'spark' - not for me anyway. I am still kicking myself. I really really wanted there to be a spark!

But it's something you just can't force. Mother Nature won't let you.

Why does life send me arseholes to fall in love with, and when a good guy comes along I don't fancy them? (And it's nothing to do with falling for bad boys - if you ever saw He Who Shall Not Be Named there was definitely nothing bad-boy about him!) It makes me think I'm best not looking for love.

If you truly believe you've found your soul mate, then hang on to them, work at it when times get tough, and treasure every moment with this person, because I believe finding a soulmate is very few and far between. Not everyone gets to meet theirs. You are truly lucky.

So as I enter 2019, like I did 2018, single, I will see where it leads... Back in 2013 I was afraid of being on my own. For 2019, I can say confidently, I am not afraid anymore.

If only Tom Hardy would have me as a friend with benefits...

We love Kos

Gatwich very early 24th October 2018

Since returning last week, I have really wanted to write about my holiday in Kos. Only because it was such great fun, but I wanted to share the anxieties as a single mum that I had before going out to a foreign country, on my own, with my two children.

Exactly that.

I was going on holiday, to a foreign country, on my own, with my two sons. This actually scared me. A smidgen at least.

Ready for take off!

I haven't really travelled much abroad in the last fourteen years, opting for holidays in Cornwall with my young family. But thanks to the success of Meet Me At Wisteria Cottage getting into Sainsbury's, I was able to afford a holiday abroad with my two sons.

I thought this would be a good way to celebrate too and share my success.

I was recommended Atlantica Porto Bello Beach hotel in Kos as it had a water park as part of the all inclusive package.

About to get a drink at the beach bar.

Well, we had a fabulous time. The food was fantastic, the hotel was lovely, the beach, the staff, the water park.... couldn't fault a thing really.

I did tell the kids I was taking a break from real life, meaning no routine, etc. However, I couldn't take a break from parenting, as they were coming with me, but if they could be good as much as possible, so that I didn't have to do the parenting thing too much. Ha ha! And they did. To be honest, they were really well behaved, and I could trust them to keep themselves amused together - especially snorkelling or going down the slides at the water park. The three of us had a huge amount of fun - especially in the water park, which we visited every day! (I had to do each slide at least twice - once with each boy. Being that bit heavier, I made it go faster lol!)

Anyway, our week in Kos will certainly go down as one of our best holidays. I was reminded why I love Greece. The temperature rose to 24 degrees, sometimes a little warmer, but it was a lovely temperature allowing us to do enjoy the warmth but not hide from the sun as you need to in 30-40 degree heat. And I didn't have to worry about them getting burnt as the sun's strength was definitely weaker. I will definitely consider going away in October again.

So, I hope to take the boys away again soon - if I can get another book contract, obviously. And when I do get to take them away again, I won't be half as anxious about it.

Thou Shall Not Chase

Maybe I should title this the trials and tribulations of a dating single mum...

I mean, when I am messaging some guy I hope to date, my eleven year old is looking over my shoulder and asking "who am I texting?"

"Just a friend." *lie mode cancel*

I just don't have that many friends, let alone ones that text me regularly. The day he realises this I am rumbled.

When someone does start texting me regularly I actually have to put my phone on silent so that the kids don't get too curious.

So, yeah, I've ventured, on and off, again, with the online dating malarkey thing.

I'm a sucker for punishment. Obviously.

And it's nice to get a text message, to feel wanted, that someone has thought about you enough to message.

However, it's a game half the time.

But I've got to start somewhere, right?

The thing is, I'm not even sure I'm ready. I get bored with it quickly - well, men, I get bored with men. And I don't mean in a slutty way. Nope, I just get bored with the messaging, or when they don't message, or when the messages have clearly been sent by their dick... In the end I'm doing the Jessica Jones eye roll gif. Yeah, you've seen the one!

A conversation with a very wise friend recently, she confirmed what I already knew - as she's been on the planet a bit longer than me - men really do think with their dicks.

I just now need to remember this - always!

I've now got a trust issue (thanks to my previous relationship - insert Jessica Jones Eye Roll Gif again)... I mean, when dating, messaging, whatever, I'm thinking; does he just want sex, is he a player, or is he genuinely looking for a long-term relationship? Or will he say he wants long-term, and just leave once he's done with me.

The ones that appear genuine I don't fancy.  They're not unattractive but I just don't fancy them! There isn't the spark! I really want there to be but it isn't there. And they're real sweethearts and I've got to turn them down for another date.

And go back on that bloody app!

Then there are ones I find attractive, but there can't be much of an interest for them... because they don't even message me back! Really should just stick to my Thou Shall Not Chase, and let the guys message me first.

The other ones I do find attractive, that there is a spark, I'll be like, is he a player, will he bolt at the first argument, can I actually trust he's genuine?

There is so much I want to put on my profile, but it'll make me look bitter and twisted, and insight inappropriate comments probably. But I just don't want to play games, and Thou Shall Not Chase!

What I have discovered also is the double standards. Guys want pretty women, with a great figure who keep themselves fit, yet they're not exactly 'fit' themselves (when I come to meet them). They have the nerve to tell me they don't find overweight women attractive... but when I'm meet them, they are overweight themselves! Now, I'm not looking for someone who is obsessed with the gym. I just want someone who takes health and fitness seriously.

Also, all these men are looking for strong minded, independent, interesting women... but they actually don't know what to do with one once they've got her. Heaven forbid she disagrees with them. (Oh, they'll walk out of a perfectly good relationship... that's what they'll do...) Really, they want doormats... only they don't find them attractive.

So do you want to know why I write romance? Because like I have on my website profile, let's face it. men in reality don't exist like the heroes in books. And occasionally, us women like to meet men who don't constantly think with their dick... These men can be found in books.

Mean Mummy Moment

I feel a bit mean today.

I've sent my now 9-year-old off to school although he's not feeling 100%. It is only a cold... but he's got a little birthday bash tonight with three friends (that's all I can manage in this cosy house) coming over, and if I didn't send him into school, we'd have to cancel it.

And I slaved yesterday, making cakes, fizzy jellies, sorting out an Easter egg hunt (which I've now put around the house).

Why do these things always come when you've made plans? Plans that have been in the diary weeks!

To be honest, call me a mean, hard mummy, but it is only a cold, and he needs to learn life goes on.

They just don't warn you about the sickness, and the other 'joys' that come from having kids. I'm so glad mine don't get that ill very often, because I'm not a very patient mummy.