And frustrating!For those who follow me on Facebook... Last Wednesday was going so well. I had a date. Which lead to another date, and then spending the majority of my weekend getting to know this date better.
By Monday, and having the shittiest day at work on record. (Or maybe I've just forgotten the other shitty days - but it's why I really want to concentrate on becoming a Virtual Assistant and get the hell out of retail - but hey, I digress...)
I came home and really wanted to hear this man's voice.
I hated myself that I felt like this. I hated this frustrating feeling that I would have to wait as he would be busy with work. I felt needy and impatient. However, I also liked it. It meant I'd found someone again, someone worth caring about. I thought I'd found someone I'd connected with.
You know there's a but coming don't you?
BUT... I never got that call... and maybe there was shit going on in his life too... (so I'm not completely unreasonable about not receiving the call) but what he did send was a text with the implication he wanted to "slow things down".
FFS!!!!!
I am so sick of meeting men on online dating sites that aren't ready for a relationship. So why the fuck are you on there then?
Men hold more baggage than women. I swear. It's a fact! They are the tormented heroes we read about in our romance novels and that I write about, ironically!
They all need counselling!
And yes, it is a gamble meeting someone. Someone might get hurt. But as long as it's not deliberate, then that's okay. I totally understand if it's not working or it's not right, then it should end.
And after how He Who Shall Not Be Named treated me, I fear it happening again - of course I do! I fear wasting my time on another man not wanting to work at a relationship. But I have to trust the next guy because otherwise I'm taking my shit with me into the next relationship, and that's not fair on them. And definitely will not help the new relationship to move forward.
I met a lovely guy a few weeks ago, and the spark was not there for me, so I had to turn him down for a second date. I hate that I might have hurt him, but I'd have caused more pain if I'd carried it on for longer.
So I'm going to reiterate this one more time... for men and women reading this post:
To attend counselling does not make you weak. It means you are strong. It means that you realise you need help to return to full strength.
Never think attending counselling makes you weak. Far from it!
You can not help those that will not help themselves. By attending counselling, you're taking the first step to help yourself. This is so important.
At least my counselling allows me to know this was not may fault. Nothing I could have done differently to change this man's thoughts. I just feel incredibly stupid, used and gullible because he lied to me. He implied he was ready when he was not. And if he'd been honest, I'd have done things very differently. (And would not be feeling as angry as I do!)
Oh Teresa, I do feel your pain :( As we know the 'it's not you, it's me' is correct. It really isn't you darling. You can't go through life fixing people in the hope that they will realise what they've been missing. That's up to them. Otherwise you become mum and counsellor all rolled into one and nothing more. Just keep on being you and don't allow this experience to make you bitter xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Deb. I am trying very hard. But I am considering just deleting the online dating accounts and living life single. I don't need a man after all, but I would like one.
DeleteBless you mate, but a great way of putting your thoughts together while putting it out there so others on a similar journey can feel less alone. Keep blogging, keep fighting to stop the bitterness consuming you. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteKara BTW. X
ReplyDeleteI am trying very very hard not to become bitter. And I am trying not to think "what the fuck is wrong with me?" (Because I know there is nothing wrong with me). How hard is it to find a decent, honest guy!?
DeleteCan i make a suggestion?
ReplyDeleteRemember back to when you first dated as a young woman! I don't know much about women, but i suspect that when you first dated, the very first moment you talked to or met somebody new, your expectation wasn't that it would turn into a relationship? If you were (and i did say i didn't know women), then i suspect that for some reason....either youthful ignorance, lack of self confidence or just patience, that you were so much more relaxed and just went with the flow? Not putting a manic timescale to it.
As a man, i'm a simple creature. I know i have needs, and i know when something is good or not. But it isn't always an instant thing. Sometimes i have to get comfortable with the idea that this thing is actually good!
Don't mistake that for indecisiveness. It's just i probably not given as much thought about it all as you have. So i need to slowly take it all in.
Having somebody who already knows this can be a bit shocking, maybe off putting to some.
I think your statement "Why the Fuck are they on a dating site", contained the answer to that question within it.
So stick with it. Relax...we're not talking a long period (if they have not realised within 12 months, then be slightly concerned).
And oh yes, there doesn't look or sound like there is anything wrong with you.
So good luck.