My 3 Positives A Day Advice

Way back in January, or around the beginning of the year, or at some point, I said I'd talk about my 3 positives a day.

Now, I originally blogged here when I first started doing this : Original blog post can be found here. So feel free to read that post too. 

Basically, back in 2017, I found myself with very low self-esteem after a relationship I thought to be healthy ending very suddenly. I took myself off to counselling because I wasn't really sure I could do this on my own and I'm grateful that I did.

Over 3 years on, and I'm still doing the one activity she set me: to write three positives for that day before I went to bed. 

I now find it's easier to have a page to view diary, so I've got plenty of room to journal (because sometimes I have more than 3 things or I want to write about them more deeply) and I can't lose track of the days!

What does this do?

It means I don't dwell on the negatives, and at the end of the year, I only look back and see positive things. EVEN in a year like 2020! (And I think my self-esteem has improved).

So it's not too late. It's the beginning of February! (Sorry I'm late at posting this.) Grab a diary, journal or a notepad. Put it by your bed with a pen... And write three positives a day.

Some days are harder. Some days it might be the sun was shining and at least I got out for a ten minute walk. But do not - and this is very important - do not note or dwell too much on the negatives. Really try hard to only put the positives in, even if you've had the shittiest day on record. Just think about the positives... 

And then come tell me what you think and feel in a year... 

*I've finished reading The Miracle Morning, and Hal Elrod recommends scribing/writing (it's one of his Life SAVERS) in the morning. I've decided that mine can easily wait until the end of the day, as I wouldn't want to stop this process. But Hal is right, it is good to have something to look back on. However, sometimes, I don't even need to do that. I just know my year has been a good year, or has had many positive points to it. 

Two Years Officially Single

Two years ago today, I was put back on the shelf.

I know it's not a bad thing, although at the time it broke my heart, so much so, I had to take myself off to counselling. I couldn't understand why a perfectly good relationship could end so suddenly, and wondered what I had done wrong.

Counselling helped me to discover that the relationship wasn't healthy, because everything had been on his terms. And as soon as I'd gained confidence in the relationship, to start speaking up when I wasn't happy, he'd ended it.

Yes, I am sad. Yes, I do want to be in a relationship. I do miss sharing my free time with someone, to go on mini-adventures with them! But I do not want to be in this kind of relationship. I suppose, in the last seven years of being on and off single, I've learnt I will not settle for anything less than I deserve.

If that means being single for the rest of my life, then that is something I am now prepared to face.

Relationships are hard work, you do need to both work at it. There will be tough times. But predominantly if you love someone, it will work out. There needs to be much more laughter than tears... unless they are happy tears!

If I've learnt anything from my failed marriage, it is exactly that. It does take the two of us to make the relationship work. I am just as guilty at the failure of my marriage. I let it go past the point of  not wanting to go back.

Anyway, today I may feel a little sombre. I do find it hard to believe he did the right thing. (But then that could be my mind having been conned). I will believe it when the right person comes along and I realise that what I had with He Who Shall Not Be Named was nothing in comparison.

I have to believe there is someone out there for me.

If there isn't... I'll just get more budgies...

Hindsight Is A Beautiful Thing

And frustrating!

For those who follow me on Facebook... Last Wednesday was going so well. I had a date. Which lead to another date, and then spending the majority of my weekend getting to know this date better.

By Monday, and having the shittiest day at work on record. (Or maybe I've just forgotten the other shitty days - but it's why I really want to concentrate on becoming a Virtual Assistant and get the hell out of retail - but hey, I digress...)

I came home and really wanted to hear this man's voice.

I hated myself that I felt like this. I hated this frustrating feeling that I would have to wait as he would be busy with work. I felt needy and impatient. However, I also liked it. It meant I'd found someone again, someone worth caring about. I thought I'd found someone I'd connected with.

You know there's a but coming don't you?

BUT... I never got that call... and maybe there was shit going on in his life too... (so I'm not completely unreasonable about not receiving the call) but what he did send was a text with the implication he wanted to "slow things down".

FFS!!!!!

I am so sick of meeting men on online dating sites that aren't ready for a relationship. So why the fuck are you on there then?

Men hold more baggage than women. I swear. It's a fact! They are the tormented heroes we read about in our romance novels and that I write about, ironically!

They all need counselling! 

And yes, it is a gamble meeting someone. Someone might get hurt. But as long as it's not deliberate, then that's okay. I totally understand if it's not working or it's not right, then it should end.

And after how He Who Shall Not Be Named treated me, I fear it happening again - of course I do! I fear wasting my time on another man not wanting to work at a relationship. But I have to trust the next guy because otherwise I'm taking my shit with me into the next relationship, and that's not fair on them. And definitely will not help the new relationship to move forward.

I met a lovely guy a few weeks ago, and the spark was not there for me, so I had to turn him down for a second date. I hate that I might have hurt him, but I'd have caused more pain if I'd carried it on for longer.

So I'm going to reiterate this one more time... for men and women reading this post:

To attend counselling does not make you weak. It means you are strong. It means that you realise you need help to return to full strength.

Never think attending counselling makes you weak. Far from it!

You can not help those that will not help themselves. By attending counselling, you're taking the first step to help yourself. This is so important.

At least my counselling allows me to know this was not may fault. Nothing I could have done differently to change this man's thoughts. I just feel incredibly stupid, used and gullible because he lied to me. He implied he was ready when he was not. And if he'd been honest, I'd have done things very differently. (And would not be feeling as angry as I do!)

To Blog Or Not To Blog?

For some time now, I've wondered if it's worth blogging. However, I do love this space to let off steam, update on my ups and downs, as I do find writing down my thoughts really good therapy and even a way to de-clutter my head. It's why I called it The Wittering Woman after all!

It's definitely been useful over the past year with the self-counselling too. And maybe you've all had a bit of a laugh at my online dating tales. (Maybe I have more to come yet! I'm still single!)

Initially, when I wanted to be a writer, it appeared important to blog. And back then, I used to get comments on the blog, and interact with people on here. However, now, with so many other social media avenues to cover, if we tried to interact on the them all regularly we would never actually get down to the writing.

And when I do share these blog posts to my other social media sites, that's where readers tend to leave their comments. (So I think these posts do get read.)

Anyway, I won't beat myself up over not updating regularly. But I will keep this as a space to write whether it be about life or something more writing related.

I usually get great ideas for a blog post as I drift off to sleep. (I did the other night!) And then they go from me, or when I try to type them up, like today, they just don't read as great. Hey ho!

Right, must crack on with the editing...