Thou Shall Not Chase

Maybe I should title this the trials and tribulations of a dating single mum...

I mean, when I am messaging some guy I hope to date, my eleven year old is looking over my shoulder and asking "who am I texting?"

"Just a friend." *lie mode cancel*

I just don't have that many friends, let alone ones that text me regularly. The day he realises this I am rumbled.

When someone does start texting me regularly I actually have to put my phone on silent so that the kids don't get too curious.

So, yeah, I've ventured, on and off, again, with the online dating malarkey thing.

I'm a sucker for punishment. Obviously.

And it's nice to get a text message, to feel wanted, that someone has thought about you enough to message.

However, it's a game half the time.

But I've got to start somewhere, right?

The thing is, I'm not even sure I'm ready. I get bored with it quickly - well, men, I get bored with men. And I don't mean in a slutty way. Nope, I just get bored with the messaging, or when they don't message, or when the messages have clearly been sent by their dick... In the end I'm doing the Jessica Jones eye roll gif. Yeah, you've seen the one!

A conversation with a very wise friend recently, she confirmed what I already knew - as she's been on the planet a bit longer than me - men really do think with their dicks.

I just now need to remember this - always!

I've now got a trust issue (thanks to my previous relationship - insert Jessica Jones Eye Roll Gif again)... I mean, when dating, messaging, whatever, I'm thinking; does he just want sex, is he a player, or is he genuinely looking for a long-term relationship? Or will he say he wants long-term, and just leave once he's done with me.

The ones that appear genuine I don't fancy.  They're not unattractive but I just don't fancy them! There isn't the spark! I really want there to be but it isn't there. And they're real sweethearts and I've got to turn them down for another date.

And go back on that bloody app!

Then there are ones I find attractive, but there can't be much of an interest for them... because they don't even message me back! Really should just stick to my Thou Shall Not Chase, and let the guys message me first.

The other ones I do find attractive, that there is a spark, I'll be like, is he a player, will he bolt at the first argument, can I actually trust he's genuine?

There is so much I want to put on my profile, but it'll make me look bitter and twisted, and insight inappropriate comments probably. But I just don't want to play games, and Thou Shall Not Chase!

What I have discovered also is the double standards. Guys want pretty women, with a great figure who keep themselves fit, yet they're not exactly 'fit' themselves (when I come to meet them). They have the nerve to tell me they don't find overweight women attractive... but when I'm meet them, they are overweight themselves! Now, I'm not looking for someone who is obsessed with the gym. I just want someone who takes health and fitness seriously.

Also, all these men are looking for strong minded, independent, interesting women... but they actually don't know what to do with one once they've got her. Heaven forbid she disagrees with them. (Oh, they'll walk out of a perfectly good relationship... that's what they'll do...) Really, they want doormats... only they don't find them attractive.

So do you want to know why I write romance? Because like I have on my website profile, let's face it. men in reality don't exist like the heroes in books. And occasionally, us women like to meet men who don't constantly think with their dick... These men can be found in books.

The Clean Shave Debate

Okay, so I've returned to the online dating scene. (What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment.)

At one point I did have on my profile I was considering waiting until beards were out of fashion.

Most of the men - because it's the trend I assume and not because they're lazy - either have beards or stubble. But I am not a fan of facial hair - so I'm finding it hard to find guys to date.

Some guys wear it well, I won't argue that... It can look rather sexy... that's okay until you come to intimacy and you've got sensitive skin. How many men actually groom their beard/stubble?

Personally, I think it ages a man's face... so I empathise with guys in their twenties trying to ditch a baby face if they have one. But I'm not dating those... I'm looking for men in their forties. (Who look then much older with a beard *insert eye roll emoji*)

Anyway, my preferences aside, I was thinking the other day, as I was editing my latest novel, do readers prefer the heroes to be clean shaven or with facial hair?

I write all my heroes clean-shaven, basically because I prefer my men clean-shaven. Nothing like kissing a freshly shaved face. Lips softer, less grazing, and usually the smell of soap or aftershave... mmmm.... I don't want my heroine, like me, left with stubble rash and a red raw face.

So readers, when you're reading romance - do you like your heroes clean-shaven? Or have you not thought about it before? I'd love to know your preferences.

And romance writers - do you write your heroes with or without facial hair?

And I'd love to know how you combat kissing a man with stubble in reality! So tell me your secrets!

(On this note it will give me an excuse to post two pictures of Tom... clean or stubble?

Do you have a celebrity you prefer clean or not?)

Photos From The Weston Literary Festival

This Is What A Romance Writer Looks Like! 

It's been a week since Fay Keenan, Jan Ellis, Alison Knight and myself sat in front of an audience and discussed our writing methods, our inspirations and how we deal with negative reviews etc.

Sadly, the snow started falling quite heavily around 5pm and so this put some off attending the event. But we had approximately twenty people listening intently, and asking great questions! It was a fabulous night!




These sorts of events really help me recognise to myself that I am a writer, I have had books published. What I do is real!

This event was great for our own self-esteem and confidence about our writing experiences. The evening gave all four of us a real buzz! It was interesting to listen to Alison, Fay and Jan about their methods and preparations for creating a book.




Hopefully the Weston-super-Mare Literary Festival will take place yearly and we'll be on board again! Brilliant fun!

Thank you Zoe Scott for your amazing organisational skills in putting this event together and making it such a success!


Anyway, I've shared some photos of the event.


Sadly, Jenny Kane couldn't make it due to illness. She was missed dreadfully, but hopefully she'll make it next year!