Yesterday, I took the day off to spend some quality time with one of my friends to celebrate her birthday (which is actually today!)
I let my friend decide what we would do - it was her birthday after all!
Our day was spent walking around Clifton and the Downs, with garden centre visits and charity shop mooches along the way. It was thoroughly relaxing and a great day out - despite the weather.
(The weather is another subject - hot one minute, cold the next!)
However, in the morning, getting ready for my day out, and deciding what to wear as no idea what the weather was going to bring, the guilt I felt for not writing, or working my business fell heavy on my chest.
That feeling that I should be doing "something" weighed me down.
Is this a writer thing? Or a business owner thing? Or is it a mum thing? Or even a woman thing?
Or is it just me?
We are allowed the day off, right? Why do we put this guilt on ourselves?
And in the end, walking around Clifton was hugely inspirational for my books, so I could chalk it up to doing some research! It was where I based One Fine Day, and will feature the sequel (when I finish writing it.)
And my favourite part of the day, other than the carrot cake, was spotting Gromit on the balcony of a house.
Well, the long story short is, it's a much more visual online dating app basically.
With POF (Plenty of Fish) you can gather more information about the person you're looking at. There is more details about their personality than just the pretty pictures, although some still only look at the pretty pictures. *insert eye roll emoji here*
You can see if they smoke, how tall they are... They have filled in their 'body' type, whether they have kids, whether they're interested in having children.
With Tinder, unless the guy writes something in the profile bit, which isn't many characters, (not as much as POF - I really had to edit it down) you know nothing about him except the photos he has posted.
And if he's stupid enough not to post good quality pictures, then suffice to say, he's probably not going to get a great response... (I swipe left!)
There is a profile bit in POF and not all fill it out (I tend to avoid these profiles because if they're too lazy to put something about themselves, then what will be their approach to a relationship?) but at least if they've filled out some of the criteria stuff, you've got an idea of whether you want to meet. Especially if smoking or drinking is a big no no in your book. Or they might want kids, and you don't. Or you're 5' 8" and he's only 5'! (Just kidding, slightly exaggerating there. I'm only 5' 4).
So, I do think Tinder is possibly more for hook ups, and not anything long term.
I'm not saying nothing long term can't come from it, but it really is a case of liking each others pictures first. If you physically fancy them, you'll swipe right...
This is a great filter however. You can only chat if you've both swiped right, i.e. liked each other.
With POF anyone can message you, even if you set filters, so it makes you feel rude when you ignore their messages. Well, it makes me feel rude, but I have learnt not to reply to those I don't have an interest in. It can give them false hope. lol! And you can tell some have just looked at the pretty pictures, and not read my profile. *insert eye roll emoji again*
I distinctly say fitness is important, and men with two chins message me! I'm sooooo sorry, but I won't find them attractive, and I'm so opinionated about health and fitness, they'd soon get fed up with me. It won't work.
Anyway, still not sure about the whole dating thing at the moment. Life is good, I am busy, I might just let my fairy godmother take charge for now... (That's my way of saying I'm letting the universe handle it).
So, the other night, I'm lying in bed thinking, like normal, rather than sleeping... and it's going through my head, do I join Tinder for research purposes?
I mean, at the moment, I'm not really that fussed about dating. I'm liking life single. And well, we all know how depressed I get when I start going online and see the dross I have to put up with.
However, on the phone the other day to my agent, discussing future books, my writing career etc. etc. etc. and she said something about the online dating I'd used in the book that's been rejected; it didn't have the swiping left and right which is associated with online dating. And I replied, that is only if you want a shag. Those genuinely wanting to find a relationship actually look at profiles and message. And besides, I was basing my fictional online dating site on something like Plenty Of Fish, where there is the 'Meet Me' facility. But you don't need to swipe to message one another. You can view profiles and send messages without swiping. The 'Meet Me' is actually a paid for option.
I think those that haven't used online dating, don't realise that it is not the only way to meet people. Different sites work in different ways. And I tried to incorporate that into the 'rejected' book. (Book 4 as it's the 4th book I've written).
So, I'm thinking, having NEVER been on Tinder, should I go on there and see what the whole swiping left and right thing does?
Or do I want to get sucked into another dating app which will waste my life and make me miserable.
Okay, so I've returned to the online dating scene. (What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment.)
At one point I did have on my profile I was considering waiting until beards were out of fashion.
Most of the men - because it's the trend I assume and not because they're lazy - either have beards or stubble. But I am not a fan of facial hair - so I'm finding it hard to find guys to date.
Some guys wear it well, I won't argue that... It can look rather sexy... that's okay until you come to intimacy and you've got sensitive skin. How many men actually groom their beard/stubble?
Personally, I think it ages a man's face... so I empathise with guys in their twenties trying to ditch a baby face if they have one. But I'm not dating those... I'm looking for men in their forties. (Who look then much older with a beard *insert eye roll emoji*)
Anyway, my preferences aside, I was thinking the other day, as I was editing my latest novel, do readers prefer the heroes to be clean shaven or with facial hair?
I write all my heroes clean-shaven, basically because I prefer my men clean-shaven. Nothing like kissing a freshly shaved face. Lips softer, less grazing, and usually the smell of soap or aftershave... mmmm.... I don't want my heroine, like me, left with stubble rash and a red raw face.
So readers, when you're reading romance - do you like your heroes clean-shaven? Or have you not thought about it before? I'd love to know your preferences.
And romance writers - do you write your heroes with or without facial hair?
And I'd love to know how you combat kissing a man with stubble in reality! So tell me your secrets!
(On this note it will give me an excuse to post two pictures of Tom... clean or stubble?
This is what I think I should do to plot a book...
New Year, new resolutions and all that.
I'm not very good at making those, but I have started writing my next book.
What with my four years of online dating experience, I have been urged (by my current beau #TheBoss - who I met through online dating) to write my online dating story. I mean I have so much material!
I've noticed writers say they're going to write 1000 words a day, etc. and for me that's no good. It's not possible. I'd be failing before I even started. There's no point setting yourself something unachievable. It's not motivational.
I work part-time, so on the days I work, I don't tend to get to write. I have two kids, so I try not to write during the evenings, and use that time to relax and read. And now I have a new man - who takes up my weekends, so there's no way I can sit down every day and bash out 1000 words.
Anyway, I got to thinking; what if I try to reach 5000-7000 words a week. I have three days a week where I try to set aside writing. Although even I don't get write on all of these days sometimes.
At the moment I don't think even this is possible, as I am in the throws of researching (which I tend to do a bit as I write because I'm the pantster type writer apparently...) I'm just not very good at the whole plotting thing. I just end up writing and research as I go. I make notes, don't get me wrong, and make sure I put the main points I need to get into the book, but I like how the story comes to me from my head through my fingers on the keyboard, and onto the screen.
Then I got to thinking, well what if worse case scenario, I only got 3000 words written a week, in those 3 days... How long would it take me to write approximately a 90,000 word novel. So I did the math.
Basically, it would take 30 weeks, which is around 7.5 months (if they're all 4 week months!). Well that's not so bad. I could be looking at by the end of July having the first draft finished.
So that's my plan. It might be a bit longer than that as we need to factor in school holidays - but some weeks, once this novel really takes off, and I don't have to think up new names, or sneak off to the internet for some research, I'll get more than 3000 words written a week - easy.
I do use a spreadsheet to see how many words I write a day, so I can monitor my progress and see if I'm on target. I've marked off the 90th day. So let's see if I can do this.
Currently it's working title is The Golden Rules To Online Dating.
Okay so this is going to be one of those heart-felt blog posts. I'll apologise now.
I remember back in 2012 I did a similar post when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel... but it arrived, bright and full of promise. I've now been in my cosy little house 2 years, and I'm divorced, and my ex-husband and I have an amicable, even friendly, relationship. My kids are happy, I have two books published, I enjoy my post office job, and until recently I was happy too.
As most of you may know I was in a relationship with my Mr Aquarius. We'd met online and had been together just over 8 months. My boys loved him, we'd even become a lovely family unit. And I hoped I'd found the one. There's no guarantee - I know that. But we were good together. We laughed and had fun, which is the main thing. He ticked all the important boxes for me. I've spent the last 8 months moulding my life around his, including him, trying not to work too much during the evenings, and filling my weekends with him in them.
Well, two weeks ago he ended it all suddenly. I'm still not even sure it's clear to me why. All I know is that I'm suffering from a severe broken heart.
The last two weeks I have felt at times debilitated by grief. And he's not dead. But I've not known a loss like this for such a long time. Yeah, I've been dumped by guys before, but it's been after a shorter time, and deep down I knew it wasn't right either... but this... I'm just confused. My life feels like something is missing, void.
I play over and over times, memories, to see if I missed the signs. I go through moments of anger, hating him so much for how much he's hurt me, to missing him so badly I ache because I still love him. I can't just turn it off. I wish I could. I know it's something that will only fade and heal with time. (Just could do with Dr Who's damn Tardis right now).
Before I'd met Mr Aquarius, I had got used to being single, to spending Friday evenings on my own, coping with the quiet in my house at the weekends when the kids were at their Dad's. And I now have to do it all over again.
And the thought of having to date again makes my heart turn cold. I'm even worried this has affected me so much that when I do gain the strength to start this process all over again, I'm going to be different, lack a trust I give so bloody easily.
I keep a notepad close by and write every feeling and thought down. When my head can focus back on the writing, all these feelings and emotions will at least be useful in my stories. (Always look at the positives, Teresa!) It's already given me help with my third book... but Maddy's hero will come back.
I would never expect someone to stay with me if they didn't love me, or felt it wasn't right. I understand that. Just the way this happened, has left me at such a loss...
Don't worry... I know time is a big healer... This girl will be back to her full bouncy self soon... never let the bastards get you down and all that!
I want to thank all my friends that have been a fantastic support (and continue to do so). I love you all so much and I hope I can be there for you in equal strength in your times of trouble. x x x
And so it's back to buying myself flowers...
Found this on YouTube... I treated myself to Taylor Swift's 1989 album and started playing it tonight - all the songs are pretty apt for what I'm feeling right now but this one in particular is appropriate. "All you had to do was stay." (This is an acoustic version).
"Why did you have to lock me out when I let you in."
No longer having a book in hand, I'm now tapping away at book 3. Admittedly, reading some of it back the other day, I was thinking, God, I will need to put some excitement into this! lol! But I figured, I can do that with the editing stage. It's a good idea to just get the base of the story down - yes?
One of the scenes I was writing was based in Truro. I'd found out through the powers of Twitter (I love social media) this is the best place to shop for those living in Cornwall. However, I'm writing this scene and I've never been to Truro - I don't even know what to picture. Does it have a Costa?
I messaged my friend who lives in Cornwall, and from that and checking out hotel prices on Booking.com, realised I needed to go visit the place for myself.
Shame I hadn't set it in Paris, Madrid or Rome huh? But unfortunately my book is set in Cornwall... maybe book 4 - but this would mean me getting a passport.
So, last weekend, with beautiful blue sky - it could have been summer only the car was telling us it was 5 degrees Celsius out there - we headed off to Truro Saturday afternoon and killed two birds with one stone - well, three actually. On the Saturday evening, I caught up with my friend who I haven't seen in over 20 years. We've been chatting to each other via Facebook (this is the positive side to Facebook) so we weren't strangers, but it really is lovely to meet someone in the flesh and give them a hug.
Mr Aquarius and I stayed in the County Arms, which was a very lovely hotel, but the price didn't include breakfast. This was good because it meant we had to get out there and explore Truro on the Sunday and hunt out a good cafe.
Mr Aquarius unaware he's in a photo
Francis Potts, who is a cyber friend - as in I've only met him over the internet; we're Twitter and Facebook chums - came and met us for a coffee and a chat as he only lives in Penzance. So now I feel we are no longer just virtual friends. :)
My school friend, Karen.
Then, Mr Aquarius and I walked around the streets of Truro, exploring the high street and even visiting inside the Cathedral. And on the way home, we stopped off to take a look at The Jamaica Inn like true tourists.
I'm so glad I went to Truro. I observed and listened to the sounds - seagulls, even though Truro is not technically on the coast - and I hadn't realised the Cathedral could be seen from pretty much anyway in Truro... or at least heard when the bells chimed.
And the city does have a Costa...
Now I've just got to weave this into the chapter of my book...
The problem is when I see it so cheap... I can't help but click 'buy'.
I'm a bit of a fan of the Choc Lit authors (and secretly dream - though not much of a secret now - of being one myself. I just fear I'm not quite right) and would like to read as many as possible of them - eventually. So far I've read all of Sue Moorcroft's and one of Christina Courteney's (with another on my shelf to read).
I have quite a collection of books, on my bookshelf and on my Kindle, and wondering if my target of 40 a year should be upped! However, if I read more, I'd write less. And it's all about finding a balance. Well, I assume. Doesn't help I'm reading Harry Potter to my son, but I'm enjoying that too much to give up on (and the books count to my yearly total :D).
The thing is, with Choc Lit novels, I quite like having the physical book because their covers are lush! But until I'm a paid writer, I can't justify buying lots of books - plus I have so many on the bookshelf to read, I really, really must not buy any more.
One messy, cluttered bookshelf.
At least when I buy an ebook it's not taking up any more space (that I don't have) on my bookshelf. This is the plus side to a Kindle. I can treat myself to a book occasionally and it's hidden away electronically.
Currently I am reading Matt Dunn's Ex-Girlfriend United (in paperback not ebook) - which is really funny. I can't stop smiling as I read. I wanted to read a romance written by a bloke. And the story is in male first person. My next book I will be writing will be more about the hero than the heroine, so I wanted to get the 'male voice' in my head and hope reading things like Matt Dunn will help me. See it's all research.
I think the best thing about writing is that it has made me read more.
What are you reading right now? Do you own a Kindle/eReader? Do you have to stop yourself from buying more books?
On one rare occasion, I was sitting watching the TV (in 2011) - Graham Norton to be precise as I knew Bradley Cooper was going to be on the sofa.
But imagine my surprise to see Rob Lowe there too, promoting his new autobiography, and discussing his early years of fame, and that Bradley was probably going through the same things right now (as he's new to the Hollywood scene in comparison and the latest hot thing).
I had to read this book. I'm writing a character who will come to fame as a Hollywood actor. It would be the perfect research material.
And it was.
I enjoyed every minute of this book. Rob Lowe is actually a really nice guy. His story is told so well. He talks of his highs and lows. I had laugh out loud moments. It is thoroughly entertaining, giving you an insight to behind the scenes of his life. So interesting to see who he was rubbing shoulders with as a teenager before he was famous.
If you want a little bit of Hollywood, read this book.
I can't wait to get back to writing Perfect Isn't An Option.
Okay - what to read next? I think I better reduce the pile of books on my bookshelf, although I have lots of lovely books waiting on my Kindle. And I think it's about time I read some romance. Because I need that in my life right now - and a book's the only way I'm going to get it.
Have you ever read a book and think, boy, I'm crap? Give up the story telling now!
I am trying to read as much as I can, generally in the romance/chick lit genre for research purposes. One thing I learnt at the RNA Conferece is to study the market, study who you think your book will sit beside on a shelf in the likes of Waterstones (but not in the context of surnames! lol!... Crikey, I'll be quite close to Sue Moorcroft).
Currently, I am reading Harriet Evans 'The Love of Her Life' (which I hope to finish today) and last night, the big twist was revealed. (I will leave a review for this book, I have mixed feelings about it).
Admittedly, The Wedding Favour is a uncomplicated romance story, in that, there are no major twists really, (not like the one I've just read in The Love Of Her Life anyway) just conflict thrown at, well, the hero mainly. And it's a case of them realising they are perfect for one another. My story is told in the hero's and the heroine's POV (point of view).
Anyway, I'm reading this book (The Love of Her Life), thinking is this really the genre I'll be submitting to? I can't quite work out if it's chick lit or romance (for me the genre gets hazy). Is this relative?
I know every book read is not a book wasted. If you want to write, you need to read - it just doesn't always give me confidence. But when I've got such a limit on time, how long will it take to find where my book 'sits' in the market? Because at the moment I'm having trouble spotting it.
I can't decide which book I should read next. Which book will help with my research? I would like to start submitting The Wedding Favour... but haven't the foggiest where.
Now we are in August, over half the year has gone (how depressing), I've decided that I am going to read different authors under different publishers... which means, the likes of Love And Freedom by Sue Moorcroft sitting on my shelf will have to wait (sorry Sue). I've read 3 of Sue's books now - this year! - so I consider her well studied. I do need to find another Katie Fforde, though, as I enjoyed her book, and liked her style - I want to see it in another story. It's very hard for me to say my style is similar, without thinking I look arrogant. Katie Fforde is an established, best selling author ...
Someone, who's read The Wedding Favour, said my style was similar to Jill Mansell. Hmmm... I've read one of her books, and I'm not so sure. She's very good too.
So are there any tips to researching the market and publishers more quickly? Or do I just keep on reading and hope for the best. And do I just submit and keep everything crossed?
Another pocket novel down, and it's a shame they're not on Goodreads, because I'd make them count towards my book total!
I bought this one a little while ago, and as the title suggests, I've had it in my handbag (rather than my pocket) and have been dipping into it. Tonight I finished it.
I searched the internet hoping for a scanned copy however couldn't find one, so a photo from my phone is the best I can do. Must get a scanner!
I wanted to research what sort of stories got published in pocket novels really. I probably need to buy another so that I've read three. But they do feel Mills and Boon type romance, of the Cherish, Sweet and Tender variety. In my attempt to get published, I was wondering if a pocket novel would be a quicker or easier way (though by no means actually easy), plus something to add to my writing CV, and just getting a few short stories under my belt might make it easier for my 'novel' to be published... one day.
This story, although I liked it, didn't give the tenderness, the sensual feeling that seems to sizzle off the page like my favourite Mills and Boon author, Liz Fielding achieves. At times I felt I was being told more than shown, I think, because I didn't quite believe it.
Anyway, I am 'working' even if I'm not writing. I do feel a bit in limbo with that at the moment, not really finding what to start on next, with the 7th assignment hanging over me. Tonight, I even opened up the last story I want to complete for my fan fiction series... just to give the characters (my hero and heroine there) a happy ending. Thought it would be good practise too. It is romance after all.
If you follow my Twitter and Facebook, you'll know I'm reading Stephen King On Writing, so getting some useful tips there, and inspiration. So while my RSI is aggravating me, my 7th Assignment haunts me, I am trying to further my writing career. I am here, in some shape or form doing something, even if it's lessening my magazine pile.
And just sitting here, reading this back, I've thought of another article - about RSI actually - although have no idea where I would send it.
