Gardening Therapy - I Talk To My Plants

On the Sunday of the May Bank Holiday weekend, I'd written over a thousand words, and although it was a tad windy, the sun was out, so I thought I best get out in the garden in the afternoon.

Dad had picked me up some extra plants and I knew I needed to get them into the beds. Next week, the weather forecast wasn't looking so bright, plus I'd be working, and gardening is obviously done best in the sunshine. 

Pre-lockdown I would leave the gardening mostly to Dad. I potted up the hanging baskets, but that was about my forte. Then, in 2020, when my gardener wasn't allowed into the house, I had to stand on my two feet, roll up my green sleeves and just get on with it. 

Dad does still do a lot of the hard work, like cutting back the roses early spring etc. And my garden would not look so lovely if it wasn't for his hard work in it too. But I've got better at gardening. And I love it.

my favourite rose bush

I came in Sunday after getting all the bedding plants into my beds in the front and back garden, and I felt good. My mental health had had a boost. I'd been in the sunshine with the bees, busily working. I mean, literally, I had a bee on a plant right by my ear, and they weren't bothered by me. And I wasn't bothered by them. 

I even enjoy mowing the lawn. I do try to get the boys to do it - more to make them do a chore. And Dad sometimes cuts the lawn for me, if I'm at work and rain is due the next few following days.

My pond

All these people with their plastic grass (that's another subject where I could get on my soapbox on how bad that is for the planet and wildlife) - you're missing out on helping your mental health. Just get out in the garden, prune the plants, talk to the birds, the bees  - and the plants, like I do.

If you're struggling with your mental health, seriously, get out in your garden. It'll boost your mental and physical health. 

Lockdown Gardener

We're into our eleventh week, lockdown is easing and I thought I'd share what I have taken from these past few months.

As some of you may know, my dad is also my gardener.

When I moved into this house, seven years ago, the garden wasn't really looking up to much. He removed all the membrane that was covering the beds, and it's had some transitional phases - the beds have got bigger in places!

All my Facebook friends have complimented me on my garden, and I've always said I can't take the credit.

In some ways, even this year, I still can't It is what is is due to the past years of gardening.

Entering its eight summer, as we went into lockdown, I had to take over the garden. Dad left me jobs to do, that he would usually have done, maybe more for my sanity than anything, still calling in occasionally on a Friday when I was at work to do the bigger jobs.

Because we didn't have a cold winter, I rescued some bedding plants in case I couldn't get hold of any.

Between me and my son we've been mowing the lawns (front and back). I actually like mowing the lawn!

During Easter we painted the fences, without Grandad to rally us!

Then, we've had these freakishly lovely days of summer sunshine! So I've been watering and keeping on top of the pots.


Anyway, I've come to find time to tend my garden. Before or after dinner I've pottered; to cut back dead heads, plant up any plants, etc. and water them! I especially make time at the weekend, too.

I've purchased new patio furniture I desperately needed and treated myself to a new chimnea - which I built all by myself!

I've always appreciated my garden, (and gardens generally) but I've  never been too involved in the actual gardening. This year I've had to, and I've loved it.

Not only has it probably helped with my fitness, because you're walking about the garden, grabbing lots of vitamin D from the sunshine, it's actually helped with my mental wellbeing too.

So, I'm going to try to take more responsibility for my garden from now on, (with Dad to assist when I need him.)

One Year Single - Almost

I've been meaning to blog about life and positivity (why does blogger not like this word? MS Word likes it!) and all that.

I wasn't sure whether to wait until I'd officially made it to one year single. That's the 23rd August, by the way. I remember it very clearly - hardly can forget being dumped by text (very suddenly) by the man who swore he loved me.

One day, it will blur to oblivion. Like the others. And he will be insignificant.

It still hurts. And I still catch myself thinking I can't believe he's gone at times. Not as often as I used to though.

Compared to me a year ago, well, I have changed - a lot.

And for the better! (I hope.)

For one, I have been set free! Oh My God! No longer traipsing to his every weekend to sit with his kids, watch him cook, while I drink myself fat! I've done sooooo much in this past year, and have so many more future dates booked with good friends. People who are so important to me will stay firmly placed in importance in my life from now on. (And I feel I have so many people to catch up with, or to continue to stay in touch with but money and time fail me. Boo!)

I have discovered pornstar martinis! I've been to different restaurants, visited friends - near and far. I have had so much fun!

I'm not crying like I was - everyday. Now it might be a bit of a sob at This Is Us. 

And my body is a hell of a lot fitter and so is my mind.

Exercise has helped on both accounts. And the way I look at exercise is that I'm making time for myself.

Even though some mornings I'm thinking why for the love of God am I doing this, I get up earlier to work out (this may change in the winter). I'm lucky to be able to do this now as the boys are older and I can leave them for half hour while I run. I've lost over half a stone without even trying really, just because I've made time to exercise more (including at the weekends because I'm not sat around watching him cook, drinking wine... )

And this exercise then affects my mind. I'm a big believer in healthy body = healthy mind. I'm feeling better about myself. Exercise does release endorphins, natural anti-depressants.

I also think my improved mindset is due to the continuation of writing my three positives a day.

Don't get me wrong, I have my bad days, where my kids are shit, and I'm swearing at them (I don't feel good about this but I get to the point now they're older I can't hold it in - I was probably doing it when they were younger, but they didn't know I was uttering bad words). And I'm more conscious about my rage in the summer with the windows open too! So I tend to feel terrible.

Bad days include when I'm beating myself up that I'm not writing, or I'm doing things I don't want to do (housework is among that - I have so many jobs around this house I need to do and don't make the time to do them). Or I haven't caught up with this friend, or I really want to revisit another. And work 'work' is shit with its stupid pettiness.

But these three positives, each night, make me search hard into my day and they eradicate the negativity.

Okay, so far 2018 has been fairly kind to me - I am waiting for the curve ball. Or was last years enough for me for now? But I've had a book rejected, and had to struggle with editing it and my confidence as a writer. I have money worries - who doesn't as a single parent? Will my car last for another year or two, or three?

Anyway here's to a year being single (almost) and probably another few... because I'm not sure I've actually got time to date yet.

Occasionally I think about it... and then I remember how it brings me down, how it's depressing. Because most of the men on there are idiots. I mean, if that's the best I can get, I'm remaining single!

Oh, January....

I thought of this as I was running my 5K today. It was cold, and I was thinking how I couldn't wait for the warmer weather to arrive. A dog walker laughed at me as I passed, saying to her, "Lord knows why I'm doing this..."

But I told myself this was me, making myself fitter, stronger and healthier for 2018. If I was taught anything from last year, you just don't know what real life is going to throw at you, and I want to make sure I'm at my strongest mentally and physically when I receive the next curve ball.

However, trying to be clean in January is practically impossible, as I still have chocolate hanging around, and cheese and biscuits, and cake. I don't like wasting food. I can't just throw it out - besides some of it belongs to the boys!

I'm trying to be good, but I think I'll be able to make a more concerted effort February, with less chocolate and treats still filling my cupboards. February, I'll try harder at sticking at being clean Monday to Friday. Of course weekends are the 20% naughtiness we're allowed.

Anyway, how's your 2018 going so far? I think it takes a couple of weeks to get back into routine and back on track.

Whilst Running...

Sometimes, just sometimes, (like today) when I'm not even a mile in to my run, and know I have another three more miles to go, I'm wondering why the hell I do it. Why do I run? Especially now the weather is turning and getting colder...

It feels like an effort to put one foot in front of the other...

I'm thinking why don't I just not exercise and let myself get out of shape...

Then, once I've finished my four mile run, I realise I feel fantastic. I know that sacrificing forty minutes of my spare time, making time for me, was worth it.

My general outlook in life has improved, my mood has been lifted and I'm in a better frame of mind. I've even had forty minutes to brainstorm any writing I'm working on. And on the plus side, I can still fit in my clothes :)

A Diet is for Life #Soapbox

I don't like this caption!

Firstly, I do not like this quote. And I don't agree with it.

Well, yes, okay, there are worse things than being fat, but it doesn't mean it's okay to be obese - which I feel this statement has been generated to appease overweight people. It's giving them a justification to stick their head in the sand about their problems.

And I will state that this blog post is entirely my opinion, but I do not feel it is good for you to be fat.

This statement attacks all those who work hard on a daily basis to stay fit and healthy, too (in my opinion).

I hate it when I hear "You're so lucky, you're slim." It's not luck; it's damn well hard work and having control. You have to motivate yourself, but once you've done that exercise, you realise you feel so much better for it afterwards!

Being healthy does not come easy. You have to make life choices and work at it.

I've seen this quote (and many others like it) on Facebook, and I've turned a blind eye, even though it riles me, but one particular day I played the devil's advocate to it. And unfortunately I lost a "friend". I questioned that some maybe fat because they're lazy and greedy (two of the deadly sins missing in the list above). Maybe I should have stayed quiet but I'm a believer that we're all responsible for our own well being.

I accept we are all different shapes and sizes, and we'll go through phases in life where we may put weight on. I do not believe we all need to be supermodel slim before you jump up and down and shout at me, too!

I even except there are medical conditions to affect people's weight. However, if you suffer with one of these conditions, there are still things you can do to keep the weight off. I feel these conditions can be made into excuses.

And, not every overweight person is suffering with these medical conditions, or depression, they are overweight because they eat too much food and take a lazy outlook on their lifestyle and health. Sorry, there, I said it. But the NHS said it too, just more diplomatically:

Most people put on weight because they eat and drink more calories than they burn through everyday movement and body functions.

If you can't exercise, eat less!

In my argument, I mentioned that the NHS is in a state of crisis because of obesity, because of the health problems it causes. I was "misguided" by media apparently. However, this article by the Guardian states the NHS is in crisis. It also quotes what you're at risk at if you're heavily overweight. Sugar and Britain's obesity crisis: the key questions answered.

PHE believes that if people did both those things “within 10 years we would not only improve an individual’s quality of life but could save the NHS, based on a conservative estimate, around £500m every year”. Obesity costs the NHS an estimated £5.1bn a year.

And here's another article I read, to make sure I wasn't "misguided" by the increase in obesity.
The Guardian view on obesity: there’s no way to sugar this pill. The UK government must act

Although it has been a long time coming, no one anticipated the rise over the past 30 years in the number of children and adults who are overweight or obese. Bad diet wasn’t a predicted result of generally growing prosperity. But it comes at a cost for individuals, and ultimately for the NHS. About one in 10 preschool children is too heavy, and so are about one in five 10-year-olds and a quarter of adults. The latest statistics suggest the rate of increase may be slowing but the NHS faces a huge burden of preventable illness into the foreseeable future. Already, obesity-related illnesses, which range from Type-2 diabetes to some cancers, are calculated to be costing upwards of £5bn a year.

People may binge eat due to depression or comfort eat, and have other medical conditions which means their overweight. It does not mean that it is okay. It is not healthy! We are not helping these people by telling them that it is okay either! (Hence I do not like the above meme). We are just fuelling their problems by not being honest with them. We are allowing them to abuse themselves. We'd help a drug addict or an alcoholic in our family. Over eating is a habit that needs to broken.

It's a vicious circle for some - I get that. I really do. They're overweight, they get depressed, so they eat more food.

We do need to help these people - if they wished to be helped, of course. We need to educate families and children about healthier options, about not eating so much food, about the importance of exercise.

And as a single mum I can tell you it is not cheaper to eat ready meals, rather than cook from scratch and create healthier meals. I shake my head every time I hear healthier options are more expensive - It's just excuses! That is just laziness! I can cook a simple pasta dinner in twelve minutes!

Our lifestyles have changed in the last 50 years. Years ago there were not the cars on the road like there are today. Everyone had to walk everywhere. Nowadays, people jump in their car just to fetch a paper from their local corner shop, when they could have walked. We need to look at everything we do. We need to change our mindset.

Exercise is key! Walking is underestimated!

Depression can be combated by exercise. I love this first sentence on the NHS website about exercising: 

"If exercise were a pill, it would be one of the most cost-effective drugs ever invented." 

I'm not even sure if J K Rowling would have said the quote above. Did she not make Dudley large, lazy and greedy, and pretty much a lot of the other things that have been listed in the above quotation?

So, if you're happy being overweight, that's fine, as long as you're aware of the health implications that being overweight means. Your health is at risk, and there is a good chance you won't reach old age. Don't moan about it if/when that time comes.

YOU are responsible for your health.

And as I've learnt, you can not help those that don't wish to help themselves.

I like this caption! 

If you take the attitude of "well, I've got to die of something" you're being selfish. This is lazy and greedy. Yes, the NHS is there to help the sick, and it will treat all who walk through its doors (while it still exists) from accidents to cancer patients etc. but it was not set up so that we could abuse ourselves and then they sort us out.

Admittedly, you could be healthy and kept yourself fit, and be struck with an illness. (This is why the NHS was set up, to offer free healthcare to all). However, by being healthy you do reduce the risk of these things, and even your body and mind is strong enough to fight what life throws at you.

I am a very strong believer in healthy body means a healthy mind. You don't need to be a saint, you're allowed a treat in life... but look at everything in moderation. Look at your food intake, look at your daily exercise. Eat healthily during the week, and exercise, and let your hair down at the weekends.

So many friends that have lost weight, have told me how much better they feel. And they look better too. They look younger, healthier, happier!

It's the New Year... I always remember what a friend said to me once. "It's not what you eat and drink between Christmas and New Year, it's what you eat/drink between New Year and Christmas."

Remember as you set about your New Years resolutions, a diet is for life, not for just after Christmas.

My dad said something the other day actually. I'll share it with you, too. He is a food and fitness guru. He said, "We eat to live, we don't live to eat." Think about it.

And on that note, I'm going for a run... to work off the chocolates, mince pies and sherry...